The night air in the canyon near the Stormterror's Lair ruins was cool and heavy, the faint scent of moss and dark magic lingering like a storm cloud. The campfire at the center of the group's makeshift encampment crackled, its flames casting a warm glow that pushed back the shadows, illuminating the sleeping bags laid out on the rocky ground. The surrounding canyon walls rose high, their jagged surfaces etched with ancient Anemo sigils that glowed faintly in the moonlight, a reminder of the ruins' storied past. The distant howl of a wolf echoed through the night, a haunting melody that underscored the tension of their mission to save Teucer, the Wind Dragon, from the Abyss Order's control.
Xander sat on a rock near the fire, the Shadowfang Blade resting beside him, its dark steel glinting in the firelight. The Power Blade, a spectral greatsword he'd recently acquired, had proven its worth in the canyon earlier, its raw strength a perfect complement to the Shadowfang Blade's precision. He was content, the day's battles behind them, and the second creation broadcast providing a much-needed moment of levity. Jean sat nearby, her blue cape draped over her shoulders, her Anemo Vision glowing faintly at her waist. Her blonde hair caught the firelight, a few strands escaping her tight ponytail to frame her tired face as she watched the broadcast with a small smile. Eula sat on her sleeping bag, her silver-blue hair shimmering like frost, her Cryo Vision glowing at her hip, her expression a mix of amusement and disbelief as she polished her claymore. Ying sat cross-legged, her golden eyes warm with the fire's glow, her blonde hair shimmering as she laughed at the video, her sword resting beside her. Paimon hovered nearby, her starry cape fluttering as she giggled uncontrollably, her tiny body shaking with each burst of laughter.
The virtual screen of the Teyvat Second Creation broadcast room glowed above the campfire, its ethereal light casting a soft blue hue across the camp. The video, titled "The General Who Can't Cook," had already caused a stir across Teyvat, its protagonist none other than General Raiden—Ei, the Electro Archon of Inazuma. The revelation that even the Seven Archons were fair game for the second creation videos had sent shockwaves through the audience, particularly among the gods themselves. Zhongli and Venti, watching from their respective corners of the continent, were visibly rattled, their attempts at nonchalance betrayed by the nervous undertones in their chat messages.
The video continued, picking up where it had left off. Ei stood in a quaint Inazuma kitchen, its wooden walls adorned with paper screens painted with cherry blossoms, the air filled with the faint scent of incense. A small window let in the morning light, illuminating the counter where Ei stood, her hands hovering uncertainly over a small pot on the stove. She wore a simplified version of her usual attire, her blue dress lacking the ornate armor of the Raiden Shogun, a sign that this was Ei in her more personal form—the shadow within the Pure Land, not the puppet that ruled Inazuma. Her violet eyes, usually sharp with authority, were wide with uncertainty, her long braid swaying as she moved.
The audience watched in a mix of amusement and disbelief as Ei attempted to cook, her actions a far cry from the majestic god Inazuma revered. She moved with the awkwardness of a complete novice, her movements hesitant and clumsy as she flipped through a recipe book, her brow furrowed in concentration. After a moment of indecision, she finally chose a dish—fried potatoes—and set to work.
She took a small pot and placed it on the stove, her hands trembling slightly as she poured half a pot of oil from a large bowl, the liquid glugging noisily as it filled the pan. She turned on the fire with a cautious flick of her wrist, her Electro Vision sparking faintly at her waist as if in protest. The chat erupted with reactions, the audience unable to contain their amusement at the Electro Archon's ineptitude.
Yae Miko: "Hahahaha, I can't stand it—it's too funny! Look at how cute our General is!"
Kujou Sara: "@Yae Miko, Lady Yae, please mind your words!"
Kamisato Ayaka: "This isn't the General… this isn't the General…"
Yoimiya: "@Kamisato Ayaka, hang in there, Ayaka—stay strong!"
Xander: "I have to say, the General is pretty adorable like this."
Beidou: "@Xander, you've got some guts, kid—that's General Raiden you're talking about!"
Ganyu: "@Xander, you must show respect to the gods, Mr. Xander—be careful!"
Xander: "What, are you all worried about me now?"
Hu Tao: "@Xander, I think it's time you booked a deluxe VIP package at the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor—just in case!"
Xander: "No thanks—I've got at least 50,000 years left in me!"
Venti: "Uh… is this really the General? Even for a second creation, this is…"
Zhongli: "In terms of universal rationality… perhaps we should let this pass…"
Despite Kujou Sara's stern reprimand, the loyal tengu general couldn't hide her own reaction. Her words in the chat were sharp, but her heart was melting at the sight of Ei's clumsy attempts, the General's vulnerability a stark contrast to her usual stoic demeanor. The rest of Inazuma's residents were similarly torn, their reverence for their god warring with the undeniable humor of the situation.
In the video, Ei took a potato—unpeeled, its skin still speckled with dirt—and began to cut it. The audience expected the Electro Archon, known for her unparalleled swordsmanship, to slice the potato with precision. Instead, her hands shook as if she were an elderly woman with Parkinson's, the knife wobbling dangerously as she hacked at the potato. The resulting pieces were uneven, some chunks as large as a fist, others as thin as a sliver, the counter littered with potato scraps as she worked.
The oil in the pot began to boil, sizzling loudly as it heated. Ei opened the lid, her movements hesitant as she held a bowl of potato chunks in one hand and grabbed a handful with the other. She squinted one eye, her hands trembling as she timidly tossed the potatoes into the frying pan, the oil hissing and popping as it made contact. She slammed the lid back on with a clang, her expression a mix of fear and determination.
Less than three seconds later, the lid exploded off the pot with a deafening bang, the oil igniting into a raging flame that shot toward the ceiling. The kitchen filled with smoke, the fire roaring as it consumed the wooden beams above. Ei's eyes widened in panic, her stoic facade crumbling as she flailed her arms, her voice high-pitched with fear. "Fire! Fire!" she cried, her tone that of a timid little girl rather than a god.
Instinctively, she reached for something to douse the flames, her hands fumbling as she grabbed the nearest bowl—the one filled with the remaining oil. In a moment of pure chaos, she poured the oil into the pan, the flames erupting into an even larger inferno, the fire now licking at the walls of the kitchen. "Sara! Sara, it's on fire!" she shouted, her voice breaking as she called for her loyal retainer. "Ahem, Sara, come quickly—Sara!"
Kujou Sara burst into the scene, her tengu wings flaring as she assessed the situation with a mix of alarm and exasperation. Her black and red armor gleamed in the firelight, her Electro Vision glowing at her waist as she summoned a bolt of lightning to redirect the flames, her movements swift and precise. With a wave of her hand, she extinguished the fire, the kitchen now a smoldering ruin—blackened walls, a charred counter, and a pot that was little more than a melted lump of metal.
Sara turned to Ei, her expression stern, her tone that of a scolding mother. "General, you sneaked into the kitchen again while I wasn't paying attention," she said, her voice firm but laced with a hint of fondness. She crossed her arms, her tengu mask pushed up to reveal her sharp features, her golden eyes narrowed in disapproval.
Ei's face crumpled, her violet eyes filling with tears as she threw herself into Sara's arms, her braid bouncing as she buried her face in the tengu's chest. "Wuwuwu, Sara, what should I do?" she sobbed, her voice muffled against Sara's armor. "I really don't know how to cook, but I want to learn—I really, really want to learn! Sara, you must have a way, right? You must have a way to teach me!"
The sight of the Electro Archon, a god who had faced countless battles and ruled Inazuma with an iron fist, crying like a child in Sara's arms was too much for the audience. The chat exploded with a mix of laughter and sympathy, the contrast between Ei's divine status and her current state a source of endless amusement.
Yae Miko: "I've never seen her like this—she's adorable when she's helpless!"
Kujou Sara: "This… this isn't real! The General would never…"
Kamisato Ayaka: "I can't believe I'm seeing the General cry…"
Yoimiya: "She's so cute when she's not being all scary and godly!"
Xiangling: "Oh no, I feel bad for her—she really tried!"
Arataki Itto: "Hahaha, she's worse than me—I've never burned down a kitchen!"
Kuki Shinobu: "Boss, that's not a flex…"
Hu Tao: "This is the best ad for the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor yet—imagine the business if kitchens keep catching fire!"
Zhongli: "Ahem… perhaps we should offer her some cooking lessons…"
Venti: "I'm staying out of this—my cooking's not much better!"
Back at the camp, Xander and the others were doubled over with laughter, the absurdity of the video a welcome reprieve from the tension of their mission. Paimon clutched her stomach, her tiny body shaking as she giggled. "She poured oil on the fire—oil!" she exclaimed, her voice a mix of disbelief and delight.
Ying wiped a tear from her eye, her laughter subsiding as she caught her breath. "I didn't think the Electro Archon could be so… human," she said, her tone a mix of amusement and empathy. "She really wanted to learn, though—I can't help but feel a little bad for her."
Eula smirked, her icy demeanor softened by the humor. "Even gods have their flaws, it seems," she said, her tone dry but her eyes warm with amusement. "Though I must admit, Sara's reaction was… unexpected. She looked like a scolding mother."
Jean set her map aside, her exhaustion forgotten as she smiled at the group. "It's a reminder that even the most powerful among us can struggle with the simplest things," she said, her voice gentle. "But I hope the General doesn't take it too personally—Inazuma doesn't need a culinary crisis on top of its other challenges."
Xander leaned back, his grin wide as he watched the chat continue to flood with reactions. The video had been a success, the contrast between Ei's divine authority and her culinary ineptitude striking a perfect balance of humor and heart. But as he watched Sara comfort Ei, a new idea sparked in his mind. Sara's stern yet tender reaction had revealed a softer side to the tengu general, one that deserved its own spotlight. Perhaps the next second creation video could focus on her—maybe a spoof about her trying to teach Ei to cook, only for chaos to ensue once more.
As the broadcast room closed, the campfire crackled, its flames casting flickering shadows on the canyon walls. Tomorrow, they would face Teucer and the Abyss Order in a battle for Mondstadt's soul—but for now, they rested, their spirits lifted by the laughter and the bonds they'd forged. The stars above were obscured by clouds, but the glow of the fire and the warmth of their camaraderie pushed back the darkness, a beacon of hope in the face of the challenges ahead.
***
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