But Liu Xin's expression remained serious, and the crowd around us was nodding eagerly, some even whispering among themselves in excited tones. It was clear that this wasn't just a passing curiosity—they were actually considering this.
"Well, there's one thing I've learned since joining your sect," I muttered, eyeing the goat's growing pile of spiritual treasures. "When in doubt, embrace the chaos."
Liu Xin beamed. "I'm so glad to hear that. You'll be a perfect fit."
---
Two days later…
I stood at the entrance of the grand hall where the Celestial Sects' gathering was about to take place. Behind me, the goat was in its finest form—rolling in a pile of spiritual essence like it was a luxury rug. I sighed and wiped my forehead.
"You know," I said to the goat, "if you weren't so destructive, I'd be impressed. Maybe even proud."
The goat looked up at me, chewing thoughtfully, and then—without warning—charged toward a group of cultivators who had gathered nearby to discuss a serious matter. I couldn't help but wince as the goat plowed through them like a bowling ball through pins.
"Right," I muttered, sprinting after it. "Here we go. Another diplomatic disaster."
We were immediately met by a small group of dignitaries, all of whom were eying the goat with a mixture of disbelief and suspicion. One of them, an older cultivator with a long, flowing beard, stepped forward.
"This is the famed Long Fei Jian, I presume?" he asked, his voice laced with a hint of condescension.
"That's me," I said, raising a hand and doing my best to look confident. "And this, uh, is Master Chaos."
The goat chose that moment to butt heads with a large decorative pillar, causing it to crack down the middle with a loud snap.
The older cultivator blinked, then stared at the goat. "A... goat?" he asked, as if he hadn't quite processed the situation.
I could only shrug. "What can I say? The chaos finds me. And it's remarkably good at finding things to break."
Liu Xin, who had joined us, chuckled softly. "The goat is an impressive force in its own right. Perhaps a demonstration of its... potential?"
"Right, right..." I muttered. "A demonstration."
And so, to the shock of every dignitary in the room, I attempted to calm the goat long enough to do what could loosely be described as a demonstration of my chaotic cultivation style. It didn't go well.
The goat began jumping in circles, headbutting anything in sight—including a prized spiritual artifact that had been placed in the center of the room. The cultivators around us gasped, and I could hear one of them muttering, "This is madness."
Liu Xin, however, was practically glowing with excitement. "You see?" she said to the crowd. "This is the future of cultivation! Chaos is the key to unlocking true power!"
I turned to her and whispered, "Are you sure about this?"
She nodded, a smile playing at her lips. "Absolutely. I think the goat has found its place in our hearts... and in the future of cultivation."
The goat, meanwhile, had finished its demonstration by headbutting a pillar so hard that it caused the entire hall to shake.
"Yes," I muttered under my breath, "this is going to be a long evening." Well, to cut the long and weird story short, the goat won the competition and we returned back to the sect to deliver the message for their supposed ridiculous mission..
Greatest mistake I made? I should have escape on my back to my own sect! Nah, like a fool, I went back to the demon sect with the crazy yet seemingly powerful spiritual goat, where more crazy things forward took place.
---
Goat Ascension and the Wrath of the Flaming Peacocks
It began—like most sect disasters do—with a goat meditating in a pond.
Not just any goat...
My goat of course... I decided to name her snowflake...
Well, Snowflake, the grumpy spiritual beast I accidentally gotten as a gift like you all know, after the crazy dinner party..
And now?
She was floating... Above water.
And glowing.... While chanting.
"Baaaaaaaah." The sect courtyard trembled. Disciples dropped their chopsticks. A nearby elder fainted.
Yue squinted. "Is… is she cultivating?"
I nodded slowly. "She's reached Transcendent Enlightenment."
The Demon King gasped. "That's impossible! No goat has achieved that level since the Great Hoofed Rebellion of 482!"
We all took a reverent step back.
And then—BOOM.
A golden pillar of light erupted from Snowflake's horns.
A voice echoed across the heavens.
"SNOWFLAKE, THE ASCENDED GOAT, SHALL NOW BE KNOWN AS: MASTER OF CULTIVATION."
A thunderclap followed. Then silence.
Then chaos....
"WHAT NONSENSE IS THIS?!" the Sect Demon god bellowed, storming out of his meditation cave in flaming slippers. "I leave for three days and a goat becomes a spiritual authority?!"
"She levitated," Yue said, still holding a brush she was definitely using to sketch the moment.
"She chant-baaaa'd in ancient beast tongue," I added.
"She also kicked me into the koi pond," muttered one soggy disciple. "While glowing."
The Sect demon god narrowed his eyes at Snowflake, who now wore a tiny jade pendant and had a scroll tied to her horn.
"What's that scroll?" he demanded. I untied it carefully.
It was… a cultivation manual. But not just any manual.
"The Forbidden Egg Omelette Scripture."
I blinked. "Wait. Isn't this banned in five realms for causing mass breakfast enlightenment and sect-wide cholesterol spikes?"
The Demon King snatched it and gasped. "This technique… was thought lost!"
Yue nodded sagely. "Legend says it grants immortality. But only if your eggs are fluffy."
Just then— BOOM. The sky cracked.
A thousand spiritual birds screeched down from the heavens—flaming peacocks in golden armor.
Their leader, a bird taller than three men, landed with a gust of wind that flung half the courtyard into the soup fountain.
"I AM GENERAL FEATHERBURN," he screeched. "RETURN THE MANUAL OR FACE THE WRATH OF THE HEAVENLY AVIARY ALLIANCE."
Everyone turned to me.... I turned to Snowflake.
She chomped the manual. And smiled. Uh-oh....
"Well, what the fuck, guys....!"