"Butler… Are you alright?"
"Huh?" I turned to look below me, only to see Ayla standing there, her face looking concerned as she stepped closer.
My heart felt like it was about to burst open, and my eyes turned watery as my vision turned hazy.
"I feel sick."
"Huh, you are feeling sick? Should I call a doctor?"
I quickly covered my mouth, trying not to puke.
'It hurts!'
The pain seemed to follow me as I fell on my knees; the feeling of burning, the feeling of being destroyed, and the sensation of nothingness were filling me, drowning me in dread.
Ayla's eyes widened as she hastily took a step back in surprise after seeing my fall.
"Butler!" Coming out of her daze, she touched my shoulders with her small hands, trying to support me.
"You never get sick, what's happening?!" She asked, her voice echoing through my ears.
Then all of a sudden the sick feeling vanished, as if it was never there to begin with.
"What?" I let out a small whisper; my mind suddenly felt calm, all the chaotic feelings came to a standstill, and the storm of dread and pain that had been flowing in my heart soon calmed. I looked up, my head still spinning in confusion as I remembered what had just happened.
'Fire!' I soon realized and grabbed Ayla's hand in panic, trying to look for those white flames, but the only thing that I was met with was a strange yelp of surprise.
"Kya!" Ayla jerked back, her face showing a myriad of different emotions.
I glanced around, taken aback by the serene surroundings, and once again recognized how strange this sense of calm was.
'I have died, yet I am alive.'
I had seen everyone being turned into ashes and turned into a pile of dust myself as well, but I am still alive, still breathing.
This was clearly not something normal, but the most dreadful feeling was this unsettling calmness—my mind was in chaos when I woke up, but now I am calm somehow, as if that sick feeling was never there.
"Miss Ayla, what time is it right now?" I asked, my voice showing no hint of panic.
*****
Ayla, who had witnessed her butler break down, was perplexed. The butler she had known since childhood was never someone who got sick or succumbed to panic. He was a gentle and kind man, a caretaker who never stepped out of his boundaries, showing no weakness. After her grandfather and father, he was the strongest person she knew about.
But who was this man in front of her…?
He was not acting like she knew him; he was still talking politely, yet she felt a childishness in his tone, a sense of belonging. Ayla looked at his eyes; those brown eyes she had been seeing for years now felt different. She licked her lips to say something, but the grip of Butler's hand tightened.
"Miss Ayla, what time is it right now?"
Again, something different; the butler she knew would never ask her something like this. He knew everything, after all. Always taking care of her and Leo but being a silent observer of her family.
She parted her lips, then said slowly with a bit of hesitation. "It's early in the morning; Father will come soon."
He had not asked about her father, but she felt it was important to tell him.
"I see… Miss Ayla I have a request." He said his eyes lowered, he stood from his knees, and a new certainty could be seen in his eyes.
Drawn by the momentum of this conversation, Ayla found herself nodding.
"Ah, yes, please go ahead."
He smiled after hearing her answer, and said with a small yet cheerful voice.
"Can I call you Ayla? Calling someone younger than me in such a formal tone feels weird when we have known each other for years, right, Miss?"
Here again, he was not acting as she had expected him to.
But the young girl, left enchanted by the older butler's words, nodded in a daze.
"Y-yes, Ah, I mean yes, please do." She smiled with an innocence never seen before.
"Let's go wake up young Master Leo; he must be asleep right now."
Saying that he took her hand, leading her towards Leo's room through the corridors, this time the tables have turned.
*****
I was back in the past, once again. Not too far, but rather just some couple of hours back in time.
'I sure took my time understanding this.' I snickered at my own oblivious thoughts.
However, this turn is different from the past one. I have control over this body. There is still some resistance, but not enough to pull me back or lose my mind. I can also guess the reason for this change.
It is connected to the moments before my death; the act I had done that time was different from Butler's routine. I had vanished from Ayla and Leo's sight for hours, making the butler's persona disappear from their minds.
No, the correct explanation should be that the ghosts have been in this time loop themselves for quite a while now; our restriction must have originated from their memories of the past. We act as they think we should, but since in the previous loop we did something completely different, they now have no idea what their butler should do, making their control over me lost.
This was not being done by them knowingly, but rather they must have been doing it subconsciously. Their own ability has trapped them in the hell of their own creation.
Repeating the same tragedy over and over again in this world of lies.
I gazed back at Ayla, who was currently brimming with a big smile on her face. She somehow felt much more cheerful than the last time I had seen her. Was it due to my actions right now, I wonder?
The action done by me right now was proof of my initial theory; the impact I leave on them will decide how much control I have, and to do this, the simplest and easiest way was to diverge completely from the role of a butler.
'I feel like I am toying with her heart…' A small guilt tugged at the corner of my heart for manipulating a young child.
But I suppressed that feeling with another smile. I can't afford those feelings right now.
I don't want to go through that unimaginable pain once more; the feeling of burning has been suppressed right now, probably by Ayla when she said that butler has never been sick. But it doesn't mean those suppressed emotions can't come back.
I have made many changes right now, so it's possible for her to imagine.
'Ah, so Butler can actually get sick.' If this happens, I will be done for.
In any case, if the loop repeats again and the pain is suppressed on the next loop, it's going to be good, but if all the suppressed pain comes back all at once, I will truly die just from pain.
I shivered just from the thought of it; this sudden action made Ayla turn to look at me.
She smiled and asked curiously. "What happened? I felt like you shook just now."
I chuckled, suppressing myself from saying yes.
"No, I was just thinking that today is a good day for a morning walk. Don't you think so, Ayla?"
Hearing her name spoken by the butler for the first time, Ayla's cheeks flushed red. She quickly turned away, flustered, but then nodded happily. "Yes, it looks like a good day to walk outside." She sighed and mumbled, "Unfortunately, we're not allowed to leave the mansion."
My brows furrowed upon hearing this. I slowed down, my steps halting after another turn.
Ayla looked at me in confusion; her gaze seemed to be asking what I was doing.
I licked my lips, letting go of her hand. I looked through the window, seeing the garden down below as green as the last time I had seen it.
"Let's go out once in a while then." I said.
Ayla's eyes widened upon hearing my words; she took a step back and shook her head in denial. "No, no, we can't. Father has forbidden us to ever go out!"
I blinked, surprised by such strong rejection.
'I should avoid this for now…'
"Ah, I see. I am sorry I must have forgotten." I quickly apologized, but it didn't seem to have any effect; the smile on Ayla's face disappeared, and tears began to well up in her eyes as she looked down, biting her lips.
Then she sniffed in a small cry and rubbed her eyes.
I watched her do this in silence; there was no need for me to interfere right now. Rather, I welcomed this unexpected change in her. In the last loop she has been silent and cheerful, supporting her little brother in his sadness. This led to her never showing her own emotions.
I took a deep breath, my hand moved to touch her head, and then gently patted it.
"It's alright to cry; you can be weak and strong at the same time, Ayla." I said, as she looked up at me in surprise.
I had said something her butler never would; after all, from the little I knew, her familial feelings were one-sided. The butler she looked at fondly was just a mere observer in the tale they had fabricated, but I was not her butler, nor was I the one these children had opened their hearts to. So, I could do something, change something about this world of lies.
Ayla stayed silent; her figure shivered under my touch. Then, embarrassed, she let out a giggle. "Hehe, butler, when did you become so good at understanding a lady's heart?"
I smirked and replied before she could say something else.
"Who said anything about understanding a lady's heart? I know a child's heart, as I have been one as well."
Left baffled by my words, Ayla's cheeks puffed up into a small pout. She moved her head away and started walking, not waiting for me.
"Hmph–!"
We both walked in silence, but a difference was to be noted.
Ayla was smiling, a true, genuine smile that didn't seem forced or filled with the worries of the world.
'That's a good development for now…' I thought to myself.
Click—!
Reaching the door, I opened it; a soft sound followed after the door as Ayla stepped inside. But the site that greeted us was different than what I had expected; Leo was awake, not asleep like the previous loop.
He was looking down in worry, but hearing our footsteps, he turned to look at us and then said,. "Big Sis, Mr.Nits is acting weird!"
I licked my lips, then turned to look at the bed where a gray cat was lying.
I had completely forgotten about Franz…
He was shivering, his eyes had rolled back, his tongue was out; this guy was still suffering from the pain of white flames.