Red Skull, inexplicably finding himself the target of two pairs of furious eyes, was momentarily dumbfounded. Then, his gaze inadvertently swept past Saiki Kusuo standing beside him, and sudden realization dawned.
"This was your doing?" he accused.
Saiki didn't bother denying it. "Yes, it was me. My objective is the stone, after all. Naturally, I can't allow others to obtain it first."
While logically sound, Red Skull fumed internally, you can't obtain the stone by yourself either, kid! That annoying couple had finally worked things out, one of them was ready to die, and I was this close to escaping this cursed rock! And you saved them! He fought the urge to walk over and kick Saiki straight off the cliff. Unfortunately, revealing his true intentions was not an option.
"Alright," Saiki said, addressing the tormented guide. "Why don't you step aside for a moment? Leave the matter of the stone to me. I guarantee you'll get your wish."
Hearing this, Red Skull felt his body turn and move away as if compelled by an unseen force. His mind felt fuzzy, and only much later did the full implication of Saiki's words sink in. That kid truly knew my deepest desire!
Meanwhile, Saiki approached Natasha and Clint, who watched him with undisguised suspicion. Anyone venturing into this desolate wasteland could only be after the Soul Stone. Natasha and Clint, both fiercely determined to acquire it, wouldn't let anyone beat them to it. They had each steeled themselves for the ultimate sacrifice and were ready to eliminate this newcomer before fulfilling their tragic pact.
Wanting to avoid unnecessary conflict, Saiki explained his overall plan—preventing Thanos, saving the universe, etc. Unlike Steve, Natasha was inherently skeptical. Even knowing Saiki was Kusuke's brother didn't make her fully trust his ambitious proposal.
That changed when Saiki briefly manifested the three Infinity Stones already residing within him—Space, Mind, and the newly acquired Time Stone—for them to see.
"If I truly intended you harm," Saiki stated calmly, "I wouldn't have bothered saving you moments ago. I could have simply waited for one of you to make the sacrifice, obtain the stone, and then taken it by force. Who do you think is more powerful: one of you with a single stone, or me with three?"
Clint was largely convinced by this argument. But a crucial problem remained.
"How do you plan to get the stone?" he asked, his brow furrowed. "The condition is sacrificing your greatest love. You came here alone. Are you planning to sacrifice yourself?"
As he spoke, he exchanged another look with Natasha. Suspicion flared anew in both their eyes. Even if Saiki had saved them initially, now that he knew the method, he might very well decide to sacrifice them to obtain the stone. Dying willingly for a cause was one thing; being murdered for it was entirely different.
Saiki ignored their complex mental calculations. He thought for a moment, then said simply, "Wait here."
With a flicker of instantaneous movement, he teleported back to his own home.
At this point in the timeline (six years prior), Banner was temporarily residing at the Saiki household, dealing with some emotional instability. Saiki's parents were currently out, leaving Banner alone in the living room, listlessly watching television.
Saiki's abrupt appearance made him jump.
"Dr. Banner—" Saiki began, intending to state his request.
But Banner, suddenly realizing something, cut him off, pointing an accusatory finger. "Saiki! You dare skip school?! Believe it or not, I'm telling your mother!"
Saiki shot him an annoyed glare. "Who are you calling 'mother'? Don't go around claiming relations randomly." Just then, his teleportation ability finished its brief cooldown. He grabbed Banner's arm and warped them both to a nearby supermarket.
Banner stumbled, bewildered. "What are you doing, Saiki? You're acting really strange today."
"No time to explain," Saiki said curtly. "Do you have money on you?"
Banner nodded honestly.
"Good. Come with me."
Realizing Saiki intended him to pay, Banner dug his heels in. "No way! Even though you're still just a kid, your Mom specifically told me not to indulge you. And no freeloading! If you want to buy something, you need to earn it yourself."
Mom actually told Banner that? Saiki grumbled internally, feeling strangely ashamed. Do I really come across as such an undisciplined brat?
Banner continued his earnest, well-meaning lecture. Saiki simply raised an eyebrow, his voice dangerously smooth. "It seems you really want me to strand you on that island for a few days."
Banner: "..."
After several seconds of tense silence, Banner—who harbored a secret fear of the dark—spinelessly caved.
Saiki directed him to purchase several boxes of coffee jelly. Then, deciding it wasn't quite enough, he had Banner buy an entire shopping bag full. Holding the bag, Saiki felt a deep sense of satisfaction, quickly followed by a pang of heartache as he remembered the intended purpose of his precious jelly. He surreptitiously stuffed a few extra boxes into his own pockets.
Banner stared mournfully at his now-empty wallet, feeling the urge to cry but finding no tears. The perpetrator of this financial devastation, meanwhile, acted as if it were all perfectly natural, offering not a shred of gratitude.
"Thanks, Doctor," Saiki finally said.
Oh, he did say thanks, Banner thought, slightly mollified.
Then Saiki immediately added, "Though, technically, you were the one who made the promise. I'm just here now allowing you to fulfill your obligation." Even if, he added mentally, it was your future self who actually made the promise.
No amount of internal cursing (MMP!) could alleviate Banner's profound sense of loss. Helpless against Saiki, he could only watch as the psychic casually teleported away, leaving him stranded on the street.
Banner: "..."
[I bought you a mountain of food! Even if you're completely heartless, the least you could do is send me back home!] Banner fumed internally. He resolved then and there to tattle to Saiki Kurumi the moment he got back.
Saiki reappeared on Vormir, holding the large bag of coffee jelly, startling Natasha and Clint once again. They had, in his brief absence, considered trying to take the stone themselves (still not fully trusting him), but had immediately fallen back into arguing over who should make the sacrifice. They were just about to resort to fists again when Saiki returned. Seeing him, they felt a confusing mix of wariness and relief. But their relief quickly turned to bafflement. He hadn't brought another person back with him... just a bag full of... snacks?
Does this guy think this is a picnic? Clint frowned, bewildered. Doesn't he realize how urgent this situation is?
Their confusion deepened as Saiki took a cup of coffee jelly from the bag. He inhaled deeply, peeled back the lid with reverence, and then, to their utter astonishment, tipped the entire contents over the cliff edge into the abyss below.
Clint: "???"
Natasha: "???"
Is this guy completely insane?
Saiki immediately collapsed dramatically beside the precipice, clutching his chest as if suffering a mortal wound. He felt a hollow ache, like his very heart was being gouged out. He waited, breathless.
Nothing happened.
He looked up, incredulous. "This isn't scientific! Why didn't the stone appear?"
It would be unscientific if it DID appear, you idiot! Natasha and Clint silently screamed in unison within their own minds.
"Could it be..." Saiki murmured thoughtfully, tapping his chin. "...that the quantity of coffee jelly wasn't sufficient?"
Is this seriously a QUANTITY issue in your mind?! Are you stupid, or stupid, or just fundamentally BROKEN?!
Clint felt an inexplicable, overwhelming urge to punch Saiki's head clean off, maybe pry open his skull just to see what kind of bizarre circuitry was operating in there.
The truly mind-boggling operation, however, was far from over. Steeling himself with visible effort, Saiki proceeded to toss over ten more cups of coffee jelly into the chasm.
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