After these words, Jonathan fell silent, and Elise squeezed his hand. Jon looked at her for a moment, and she kissed him softly on the mouth. They sat there for a moment, forehead to forehead. Slowly a smirk caught his lips. Elise, Bearus, Belios, and Rae Rae, who knew that smirk all too well, knew something was coming. Suddenly he said:
"Oh yes, through all the commotion and emotions, like being utterly pissed off, I almost forgot to pronounce my first sentence as your new God! Uncle J, when you later arrive in Heaven, no dad jokes for two weeks. If you do tell one, then you will be immediately struck by lightning… hard!"
J sat there bewildered with his mouth hanging open wide. For the rest, everyone else sat there laughing softly. Finally, he got out:
"But why? What did I do wrong?"
With a thick smirk, Jon said:
"Because you are a donkey-riding dad joke! I seem to remember that some time ago I was suffering terribly, and you found nothing better than to laugh at me heartily. Something you no doubt and with great pleasure told everyone here present, including the reason why I was suffering, even to those three from Hell by means of my treacherous right hand."
This provoked even more laughter at the table. Jon, who was now on a roll, said:
"Ah, the rest of you conspirators find this funny. Then for you guys, some punishment too. Let me start with conspirators, Dad and Mom."
He looked his father sternly in the eyes:
"Next weekend there will be a bunch of kids in Heaven because I am inviting everyone in Maggie's coven to spend the weekend with us in the new Heaven. On Saturday afternoon there will be a party in the throne room for the children. A costume party! You, Dad, are expected in the most ridiculous devil costume you can find, and you will make sure that includes a goatee, trident, and a tail! Mom is expected in the most pathetic Angel costume including fake wings and a plastic halo. You will give the kids the party of their lives. Then Grandma and Grandpa."
He looked at them mischievously:
"You guys love being grandparents, right? Well, that weekend you'll be in luck because you'll be looking after all those children at the same time. I won't make it easy for you, though, because I'm going to put a giant deluxe tropical pool in the garden for the kids. So have fun running after them."
He shifted his gaze to Bearus and Rae Rae:
"You two nicely ask my dear Liz here out for next weekend. All three of you appear to be very interested in each other. If she doesn't have shaky legs for two days afterward and has considerable trouble walking, another punishment will follow."
Liz had turned as red as a tomato because Jon had casually thrown this information on the table in the presence of God and the Goddess. These, however, sat looking at her with broad smiles.
He pointed to the second Demon:
"Belios, you nicely ask Jo out and show her the best places with the best coffee on Earth. Let's say one every day for the next three weeks. That's my little sister B, and she is very sensitive. Do not make me burn you!"
He looked at Zelo:
"Zelo, you may not be among the conspirators and therefore should not be punished. As your new God, I think, Fuck it, and I will punish you anyway. You are going to nicely ask Muriel out next weekend and give her the weekend of her dreams. And I mean give her a tour of the Uffizi in Florence and the Louvre. If she doesn't have a blissful smile on her face Monday morning, then you and I are going to have a very serious talk, friend! Remember that's my little sister we are talking about! And you, Argo, get some punishment too just because I'm on a roll. Domino, if he doesn't do his damnedest to set up the perfect nursery with you for our future godchild, then he better find a rock to crawl under! Got it!"
Everyone sat there satisfied and smiling except J, and he sputtered:
"But that's not fair! Everyone gets rewarded except me!"
Elise, who had noticed what Jon had done, interfered:
"What do you mean, Uncle J?"
"Well, Dad and Mom are asking for nothing more than this, being surrounded by a bunch of kids they are going to claim one by one as their grandchildren. Lu and Fran have found those kitschy outfits and parties the end ever since they met. Azrael and Bearus can fuck all they want with your Liz, and they are already breeding rabbits. Belios may, or no, should invite a beautiful Angel he has his eye on, and vice versa too, I suspect, since Jon handed out that so-called punishment to him. Zelo has to take Muri to some of the places she dreams about. Argo and Domino I do not know, but it is clear as day that they are in love and would do everything to shower that baby as if it would be the second coming, no pun intended. Even Sammy is rewarded, and he is not even in the room. That surfer boy is going to demand a highchair and declare that he is the lifeguard on duty at the pool! And M was completely kept out of harm's way."
Elise and Jon had seen Aunt M's eyebrows raise very briefly. Jon set his trap, and it immediately clapped shut when J answered his question without thinking:
"So do you want me to punish Auntie M to J?"
"Of course, everyone is equal, as you just proclaimed!"
When M hit him on the back of the head, J suddenly noticed that he had made a giant mistake. He looked at M with big eyes and feared the worst while everyone else was laughing. Jon said after letting J stew for a minute or so:
"You know what, J, since you have just brought a much worse punishment upon yourself, you will be able to sleep on the couch for a while. I am going to ease my punishment a little. After we are gone, you will have at least five girls and Liz and Domino here, who will be waiting very impatiently to talk to you. They are groupies of yours. You are going to neatly answer each of their questions and make sure they have a big smile on their faces at the end of the evening."
Jon looked at his watch for a moment:
"It's time. The meal is going to be served in a couple of minutes, and I have a few words to say before it starts. Belios, Rae Rae, see to it that the Demons and Angels sit exactly as I have indicated on the tables. I don't care who wants to sit where, but I want to see Angel, Demon, Angel, Demon and this is the last time we will make that distinction, understood."
"We'll take care of it, My Lord."
Said Belios and stood up along with Bearus and Azrael to leave the room.
"The rest of you can go to the hall as well. I want a few minutes with Elise privately, please."
When everyone had left the room, Jon took Elise gently in his arms. They stood pressed against each other for a few minutes, after which Jon asked:
"Are you ready, my beautiful Goddess?"
With that, a wide smile appeared on Elise's face. She replied:
"I don't know what I am getting into, let alone if I am ready. What I do know is that I shouldn't be afraid because I have you close to me. But what I absolutely do know is that the very next night you will be all mine, and that shower wall is finally going to have to give way as you fuck me through it!"
That elicited a bright laugh from Jon. For a moment more they stood forehead to forehead, followed by a passionate kiss. Their last as Jon and Elise. The next would be as God and Goddess.