Ryujin is gone and I couldn't follow her. I lay in my bed crying when I hear my door open, I'm assuming they're bringing Eva to me, "Can you please watch Eva for a little bit longer? I need some time" I say without looking at them.
"Cret up, Yeji, Now" I hear my sister say. I slowly sit up and she sits next to me.
"I don't need to hear a lecture from you" I say
"Well you're going to anyways because you need to get your shit together, How is it that you tried to make your relationship with your exes work when they're assholes but you're letting Ryujin go? Please explain to me how that makes sense because no matter how much I think about it, it just doesn't make sense" she is furious.
"I don't know how to be happy! I don't know if I'm really happy when I'm around her! Yes I love being around her and I want to be with her. I want a future with her, I love seeing her interact with Eva, I love how she takes care of me! But she takes care of me more than I take care of her!" I snap.
"Did she say anything to you or is this all just in your head? Did she make an issue about you not taking care of her? Did she!?" My sisters yells at me,
She tries to calm down, "Your thoughts and reality are different. You can assume how someone feels about you but it doesn't mean that's how they truly feel, Ryujin has been so open to you about her feelings and what she wants. Are you really gonna let her go?"
"Aren't you supposed to be on my side? You're my sister" I scoff.
"I support you but it doesn't mean I'm not gonna point out when you're being stupid, Figure out what you want or you'll lose her forever".
She says before leaving me in my room,I grab my pillow and scream into it. I know I'm in the wrong but I can't seem to talk to her.
My phone goes off and I see a text from Cain asking to hang out. I do need a distraction and he still thinks I'm with Ryujin so I doubt he would do anything.
I text back agreeing to meet him and I get ready, I go downstairs and ask my mom if she could watch Eva for a bit longer.
I get another text from Cain saying he's outside already so I kiss Eva goodbye and same to my mom, Karina and Travis is not around though.
I walk out and see Cain's car, I get in and I see him smiling at me, "Thank you for agreeing to hang out with me especially after our misunderstanding."
"It's fine, Just know that I'm not interested in anything" I say.
"Of course, I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship" he smiles at me. He starts driving and we stop at my favorite restaurant, I can't believe he remembers.
Being with him doesn't make me feel better though, All I can really think about is Ryujin. How can I stop myself from pushing her away?
We get in the restaurant and find a table. We sit across from each other but I'm still thinking about Ryujin, Did she make it to the airport okay? Did she board yet?
"What's bothering you?" Cain ask.
"Oh nothing" I lie.
"Trouble in paradise?" He leans forward a bit.
"I guess? Ryujin and I had a fight so I don't know if we're still together or not" I say finally admitting it.
"What's wrong? Maybe I can help?" He suggest.
"I don't really want to bother you with my problems."
"Isn't that what friends are for?" He raises one of his brows.
The server came and took our orders, I don't know whether I should open up to Cain or not about Ryujin.
I end up telling Cain everything. How I thought Ryujin was a guy when we first started talking and how I still had feelings for her even after finding out that she's actually a girl, With how I'm scared of losing Ryujin. My insecurities of being with another woman.
"It sounds to me that you aren't really comfortable being with another woman. Maybe she manipulated you into liking her? But deep down you don't. Maybe you wish she was actually a guy?" He tries to come up with different things he thinks would help me.
I glare at him, not happy with what he's trying to imply about Ryujin, "I admit I had an issue with the thought in the beginning. But the main thing that's bothering me is sex because I'm insecure I've never done it with another woman, I love being with her. I love hugging her. I love kissing her. I love cuddling with her. I just struggle with the sex part so no I don't think her being the same sex as me is the problem."
"Maybe you just know it won't be as good with a woman, Maybe you're worried Ryujin won't be good in bed" he says then shrugging his shoulders.
For some reason that triggered me. I don't know how Ryujin is in bed but I feel like I have to defend her. "Because you were so good in bed? I don't recall you actually satisfying me."
Our food comes and I start eating because I feel extremely hungry for some reason, I want to go home as soon as possible too."You're just hard to pleasure like I have no problem with other girls but with you it's impossible, I think you're the problem" he says, eating his food.
I'm the problem? I'm always the problem, I start thinking. "I'm not the problem, Why did you always put me down when we were together? You never once help me with my confidence when you knew I was struggling with it" I ask.
"I didn't put you down, I just didn't like some stuff about you and I wanted you to improve on it. As for your confidence, there was nothing I can do. Its not like you listen well" he says.
I chuckle bitterly, "I can't believe I dated you."
I take my phone out and text my sister to pick me up. I need to talk to Ryujin, I need to do better with not pushing her away. Talking to this asshole is helping realize that Ryujin is rare, I need to fight for us too.
"But thank you" I say
"For what?" He looks confuse.
"For helping me realize how lucky I am that Ryujin loves me. And reminding me how much I love her" I say.
I get a text saying my sister is here. "But I have to go. My sister is here. Thanks for the meal" I get up leaving right away.
"Yeji" I hear him call but I don't bother turning around.
I get in my sister's car and she's not talking to me. "I'm sorry Karina, I know I messed up but I'll try to be better. I shouldn't let my insecurities ruin something good in my life, I should give myself a chance to be happy with her" I say.
"That's all we ask, We're not on Ryujin's side but we can see how much you love her too" she says."Thank you for supporting me even when I'm being stupid" I say
"You deserve happiness Yeji and if there's a chance Ryujin can help with that then don't run away from her" she says then throwing something on my lap. I look at it and I see it's an envelope.
I open to it to see an itinerary. "What's this?" I ask.
"We're visiting Ryujin next month" she says.
"What? We?" I ask.
"Yes. You, me, Travis and Eva, Ryujin bought us the tickets" she explains.
I feel even more guilty with how Ryujin and I ended. It was her last day and I should have given her a proper goodbye.