Daily Meme
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Mandalay hummed. "From what we heard, the Commission is not happy."
Bakugo scoffed. "Tch. What else is new?"
Yaoyorozu frowned. "That makes sense. This changes a lot."
Jiro leaned on the couch. "Yeah, like, suddenly students are getting compared to pros. That is gotta mess with some egos."
Tiger crossed his arms. "It is more than egos. The system is built around progression… school, internships, sidekick years, then pro hero status. Skipping steps like this? It throws everything out of balance."
Pixie Boobs grinned. "Oh, but it will be a Ryuu problem soon."
"Why?" Sero asked. "It is not like Ryuu is trying to be a pro right now."
Mandalay glanced at me. "Maybe not, but the public won't see it that way."
"They will expect more," Iida realized.
Tiger nodded. "Exactly."
Uraraka frowned. "Wait, but didn't he already get that kinda attention after the Shie Hassaikai thing?"
"Yeah, but now it is official," Mandalay said. "Before, it was just speculation. Headlines. People talking. Now? His name is on the charts. That changes things."
Mina looked between us. "Sooo… basically, Ryuu is famous now."
Kaminari clapped his hands. "Bro, you need merch."
I stared at him. "What?"
"You know, shirts, hats, action figures-"
Bakugo cut in. "No one wants a Dumbass action figure."
"I dunno," Kirishima said. "People bought Stain merch, and Ryuu actually has a personality."
Bakugo snorted. "Tch. More like a personality disorder."
Mina laughed. "Ohhh, that is good."
I shrugged. "It was bound to happen anyway."
I pulled out my phone. "Now, if you will excuse me, I need to call my lawyer and whoever the hell handles copyrights, brand names, and merch deals."
Yaoyorozu narrowed her eyes. "Since when do you have all those?"
I chuckled. "Since the Cum Stain incident. I became a meme long before I climbed the ranks. Mirko and Ryukyu arranged shit for me back then. Now that it is official, I cannot let anyone leech off me for free."
Mina snorted. "You are telling me you've had a legal team this whole time and didn't say shit?"
I scrolled through my contacts. "You think I was gonna just sit back and let the internet slap my face on bootleg t-shirts without getting a cut? Hell no."
Kaminari leaned in. "Okay, but, like, how much money are we talking?"
I smirked. "Enough that I don't need to split rent with you dumbasses when we graduate."
Bakugo scoffed. "Tch. Shoulda milked it harder. You could be swimming in cash by now."
I pointed at him. "Says the guy who still hasn't trademarked Boom Boom Bitch."
"Shut the fuck up."
Mina lunged. "I can't believe we've been living with a top 200-ranked hero and he STILL won't take out the trash!"
Kaminari gasped. "Bro, you are ranked and you made me carry your laundry up the stairs last week!"
Sero pointed dramatically. "I gave you my last boba mochi and you didn't even say thanks! Where is my public apology?"
"That is enough," Iida said, stepping forward like he was going to restore order. "Let us all remember that Ryuu is still-"
Then he punched me in the shoulder. "-a menace."
Mina tackled me next. "THIS IS FOR HIDING THE LEGAL TEAM, BASTARD!"
Kirishima joined in, yelling something about friendship taxes.
Even Jiro got in one jab to the ribs. "That is for every time you made me sing backup because you 'wanted a solo.'"
I hit the floor. "This is abuse."
"This is justice," Kaminari said, sitting on my legs.
Todoroki, who had been quietly watching, spoke up. "Did you really set all this up just because of memes?"
I shrugged. "Half the hero industry is just branding. Might as well get ahead of it."
Jiro crossed her arms, shuddering a little, seated on my back. "So what, we are gonna start seeing Ryuu Midoriya action figures?"
Kirishima grinned. "Bro, imagine little kids running around with mini bats yelling 'Sit the fuck down, Bonnie!'"
Mina practically wheezed. "Holy shit, that would be hilarious."
Izuku looked like he wanted to die. "Please, no."
Everyone turned to look at Izuku. The guy was staring at the floor like he just witnessed a war crime.
Mina's jaw dropped. "Oh my god. You are having PTSD."
Kaminari patted Izuku's back. "Dude, what the hell did Ryuu do to you when you were kids?"
Izuku blinked like he just remembered how to function. "I… uh- it is not…"
Sero leaned forward. "No, no, let him talk. This is important."
"Yeah," Jiro said. "Spill."
Izuku sighed. "It is just… I was thinking about…"
I cut in. "If you are about to say some dumb shit about childhood trauma, don't. I didn't traumatize you."
"Oh?" Bakugo scoffed. "Then why does he look like he is fighting a demon right now?"
Izuku shook his head. "It is not that bad…"
"Bro," Kirishima said, "you look like you just heard your own war flashbacks."
Izuku waved his hands. "It is just… you guys don't know what it was like growing up with him."
Tsuyu crossed her arms. "Elaborate."
Izuku hesitated. Mina, clearly having the time of her life, gestured wildly. "Dude, come on, we need details. This is for science."
He sighed. "Okay. So, Ryuu had this thing where…"
"Allegedly," I interrupted.
"Not allegedly," Izuku said. "You did this."
Kaminari grinned. "Go on."
Izuku exhaled. "Okay, so whenever something bad happened, instead of fixing it like a normal person, Ryuu would double down."
Mina's face lit up. "Ohhh, this is gonna be good."
Jiro leaned back. "Yeah, sounds about right."
Izuku continued. "Like, if we got in trouble at school? Instead of apologizing, he would start a full debate with the teacher. And not even to win… just to make them mad."
"I had valid points," I said.
"You called our third-grade teacher a 'corporate drone upholding a corrupt system.'"
"I was ahead of my time."
Kirishima whistled. "Damn. You were really like this as a kid, huh?"
Izuku nodded. "It got worse."
Uraraka blinked. "Worse?"
"Oh yeah," Izuku said. "One time, Bakugo and his friends were bullying me, right? Normal day. But Ryuu didn't fight them."
Bakugo scoffed. "Tch. Didn't have the guts?"
"No," Izuku said. "He pranked them instead."
Mina gasped. "Oh, we are in for a story."
Izuku shook his head. "I don't even know how he did it, but he somehow got into the school PA system. And then…" He turned to Bakugo. "You remember, right?"
Bakugo scowled. "Fuck off."
"Oh my god," Jiro muttered. "What did he do?"
Izuku sighed. "He made a school-wide announcement. Said Bakugo had a rare condition that made him so angry because his Quirk was secreting dung on his hands as fuel. That is why he was so mean to everyone… too embarrassed to get close to anyone, scared someone would know his secret or smell it on him.
He shuddered as he added, "You had to see. Everyone was super nice to Bakugo. The misunderstood lonely kid... A couple of boys even held his hand to show support in the hallways. It took the school a week to correct that one. Ryuu was a menace with a little bat, so yeah, please no."
The room was silent for half a second.
Then chaos.
Kaminari was the first to absolutely lose his shit, wheezing like an asthmatic hyena. Mina slammed her hands on the couch, nearly falling off. Sero had to physically lean on Kirishima to stay upright. Jiro buried her face in her hands.
"NO. WAY." Mina gasped between laughter. "You… you did that?!?"
Kaminari struggled to breathe. "He turned Bakugo into a… into a walking pile of SHIT?!?"
Kirishima covered his mouth, shoulders shaking. "Bro, no wonder you have beef."
Sero pointed at Bakugo, eyes watering. "Wait… WAIT… so when we called you shit-handed back in first day of the school… was that because of this?!?"
Bakugo's entire body tensed like he was about to murder someone on live television. "I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU."
"Bro, you've been mad about this for HOW MANY YEARS?" Kaminari barely got the words out before he collapsed onto the floor, kicking his legs.
"I fucking hate all of you," Bakugo growled.
Jiro wiped her eyes, trying to get it together. "Okay, but… HOW did you even get access to the PA system? That is not something a normal kid figures out."
I shrugged. "I had my ways."
"That means he broke in," Sero translated.
"Correct."
Mina wiped tears from her face. "OH MY GOD. The teachers just… let this happen???"
"They didn't know it was me."
That only made them laugh harder.
Iida, who had been pinching the bridge of his nose this entire time, finally snapped out of it. "YOU COMMITTED SCHOOL-WIDE DEFAMATION THROUGH UNAUTHORIZED USE OF FACILITIES?!?"
I raised a hand. "To be fair, I also fixed the vending machine that week, so really, the school broke even."
"That is NOT how it works, Midoriya!"
Izuku sighed. "I… I genuinely don't know how he didn't get expelled."
We barely realized we had ignored the Pussycats for a third time, so we scrambled to make up for it. Sato quickly set out some tea and sweets while Mandalay sighed like a mother dealing with a room full of hyperactive children. Pixie Bob kept smirking, clearly enjoying the disaster unfolding.
"You guys are impossible," Mandalay muttered, sipping her tea.
"Yeah," Pixie Boobs said, "but entertaining."
We didn't drag it out too much. They had places to be. They left soon after, but not before Pixie Bob called me "Rising Star Ryuu" and Kota told Izuku to shut up when he tried to say goodbye too sincerely.
He didn't say much on the way out. Just gave Izuku a nod and muttered something halfway between "see ya" and "die quietly."
But when he passed me?
He glanced up, muttered, "That PA prank was kinda cool."
Then bolted before I could say anything back.
After they left, the dorm buzz didn't die down. Kaminari was still throwing out title ideas. Mina wanted branded snacks. Jiro threatened to quit the band if they turned her into a backup dancer on my merch poster.
And me? I just sat there. Listening. Watching. Thinking.
Heroes fought for years to crack that list. I barely tried.
Which meant someone, somewhere, was gonna hate that I was here.
Ranked. Number 199.
Fuck.
I was hoping to stay off the radar until at least midterms.
--
"This is Captain Ryuu, speaking live from the Frontlines of Webnovel.
Morale is low. Hope is thinner than Kaminari's self-esteem.
We've lost the eastern ranking zone.
The Lurkers are too many.
Not even Nejire's fanart could rally them."
crackle
"If this message reaches you…
Cast the stone.
Save the boys.
End transmission."
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