"Man… I sometimes wanna beat the Author for making me do random things," Magnus muttered, slouched on his throne, one leg flopped over the armrest, staring up at the ceiling like a sniper on vacation.
Bob, his skeletal butler, who stood nearby polishing a teacup, gave him a blank look. "Shall I prepare a punching bag labeled 'Author' for you, my lord?"
"Yeah, make it extra fluffy. I bruise easily," Magnus sighed.
Suddenly, the door slammed open with the force of a meteor, and Sister Marianne, the nun-turned-maid, came storming in, face flushed and hair in disarray. "Magnus! There's a woman outside wanting to meet you! She says… she says she's your relative!"
Magnus sat up halfway, blinking. "Relative? In this world? Does my father have dimensional crossing balls or what?"
Bob coughed softly. "Shall I prepare a paternity test, my lord?"
"Who is it? Just let them enter," Magnus waved lazily.
The door creaked open, and in stepped—
A woman.
She wore a long, high-collared black dress that covered her from neck to ankle, with a veil partly draped over her face. Her gloves were immaculate, her boots polished, and she had the air of someone who had walked straight out of a prim Victorian tea party.
Magnus squinted. "Is this… a funeral director?"
The woman lifted her veil slightly, revealing dazzling violet eyes and lips curled in a faint smile. "Magnus Caffeine… you've grown lazy, little brother."
Bob dropped the teacup. Marianne's mouth fell open. Magnus's brain screeched to a halt.
"L-little… brother…?" Marianne squeaked.
Magnus lazily scratched his head. "Uh… sorry, have we met? And why do you look like you're about to scold me for missing Sunday church?"
The woman let out a soft, musical laugh. "I am Lilith Vespera, Demon Queen of Lust."
Marianne almost fainted. "L-L-Lust?! That's the Queen of Lust?!"
Marianne immediately ran and hid behind magnus' throne.
"Well, aren't you a funny one, sloth? Having a nun as a slave."
"Servant, you mispelled"
Lilith smiled slyly. "Servant, slave — it's all the same in the eyes of Lust, dear Magnus."
Magnus raised a hand lazily. "Objection. I'm too lazy to keep slaves. She signed up herself because we offered... Whatever was written, i forgot."
Lilith chuckled softly, tapping her chin. "Mm, tempting… but let's get to business, shall we? You, dear little brother, owe me."
Magnus lazily squinted at her. "Little brother? Listen, lady — I dropped into this world like two months ago. You're not fooling anyone."
Lilith's smile twitched, her eye giving a little tic. "…Ah, well, it was worth a shot."
Lilith sighed, but then straightened, her aura pulsing faintly. "Fine. I'll stop playing. Hand over your castle, Sloth, and I'll let you nap in peace."
Magnus scratched his head. "You want this place? Have you seen the holes in the ceiling?"
At that exact moment, a loose brick clattered from the ceiling and narrowly missed Bob, who casually sidestepped without looking.
Lilith huffed, stepping forward. "It's not the castle itself. It's the title, the power, the control. Don't play dumb."
Magnus grinned sleepily. "I'm not playing. I am dumb. Or at least, I put points into [Not Giving a Damn]."
Marianne peeked nervously from behind the throne. "W-What do we do, Magnus? She's really strong, right?!"
Magnus stretched, yawning so wide his jaw popped. "Mmh… Bob, fetch my 'Negotiation Stick.'"
Bob reached behind a curtain and pulled out… a giant rolled-up newspaper labeled BAD DEMON, GO HOME.
Lilith blinked. "You can't be serious—"
SMACK!
The newspaper shot through the air, smacking Lilith right on the forehead with a loud THWAP.
She froze, eyes wide, a faint red mark blooming on her pristine skin.
"…Did you just…"
Magnus leaned back, smug. "Negotiation complete."
Lilith's hands trembled slightly. Her aura cracked the floor. "Magnus Caffeine… you are dead."
Magnus, still lounging, muttered, "Author, you better give me a dodge buff right about—"
An brick fell from the ceiling, landing directly on Lilith's head, flattening her into the floor.
Bob clapped politely. "Well-timed, my lord."
Magnus was himself confused. "I dont think that was me."
Lilith was lying on the ground unconscious.
"Is this queen really this weak?"
"Well, physically. I guess." Bob replied, while Marianne rushed worrying about the enemy's safety.
"Does being a nun mean you're obligated to worry about your enemies?" Magnus muttered, rubbing his temple.
Marianne knelt beside Lilith, fretting. "She's still a person! Or… a demon queen! Or… something! We can't just leave her like this!"
Bob calmly handed Marianne a small fan. "Here. You can wave this over her until she wakes up."
Magnus tilted his head, staring down at the unconscious Lilith, her perfect hair now frizzed slightly from the falling brick. "Huh… I always thought Lust-types were, you know, better at dodging."
Bob thoughtfully tapped his bony chin. "Perhaps, my lord, her real strength lies not in physical endurance, but in… manipulation."
Magnus snorted. "Well, she just got manipulated by gravity."
Suddenly, Lilith twitched.
Marianne gasped. "S-She's waking up!"
Lilith's fingers dug into the cracked floor, her body trembling as she slowly pushed herself up. A faint, dangerous glow ignited in her violet eyes.
"…You…" Lilith whispered, voice sharp as a knife. "You dare… humiliate me…?"
Magnus raised a finger. "Correction — gravity humiliated you. I just… gave it a nudge."
Lilith stood fully, dust falling from her dress, her aura now a seething wave of violet light. The temperature in the room seemed to drop and rise at once, warping.
"Oh, crap," Marianne squeaked, scrambling back behind the throne again.
Bob calmly poured another cup of tea. "Shall I prepare the escape tunnel, my lord?"
Magnus lazily waved. "Nah, let's see where this goes. Worst case, I play dead."
Lilith stepped forward, her smile now razor-thin. "You think you can brush me off with jokes and newspapers, Sloth? I'm Lust. I don't need your castle. I just need to make you want to give it to me."
Magnus's sleepy grin faltered. "…Wait, what?"
Lilith snapped her fingers.
For a moment, the air shimmered.
Magnus blinked — and suddenly the room looked… softer. His eyelids felt heavier. His pulse ticked up, a faint heat creeping into his chest.
"W-What's… this?" Marianne stammered, hugging herself. "It feels… weird…"
Bob calmly adjusted his tie. "Ah. Charm magic. How predictable."
Magnus slumped even further into his throne, eyes half-lidded. "…Uh-oh..how are you not effected you bastard"
Lilith leaned in, her voice a silky whisper. "Give me the throne, Magnus. Give me the title. It's not worth the trouble… right?"
Magnus exhaled slowly. His head tilted.
Then he muttered, almost inaudibly —
"…[Sloth's Patience]."
Time froze.
Magnus's aura, usually so faint it was almost nonexistent, flickered softly.
He yawned, stretched, and lazily poked in the air.
"Boop."
And just like that —
Lilith was flung backward across the room like she'd been hit by a truck, slamming into the far wall with a thunderous CRASH.
Bob set the teacup down. "Ah. There it is."
Magnus yawned, scratching his chest. "Sorry, Lilith… charm magic doesn't work on me. I am someone's already"
Lilith pushed herself to get up and walked towards magnus' throne, just before approaching she—
Bowed down.
"I am sorry, my lord."
The room fell dead silent.
Marianne's jaw dropped so hard it practically hit the floor. "W-Wait… WHAT?!"
Bob gave a slow, satisfied nod, like a butler who'd just watched a chess match end exactly as predicted.
Magnus scratched his head, looking genuinely confused for once. "…Huh?"
Lilith stayed bowed, her hands folded neatly in front of her, violet hair cascading around her like a curtain. "I underestimated you, Demon King of Sloth. No one… no one has ever resisted my charm. Not even the other Demon Kings."
Magnus blinked. "So… you're saying…"
Lilith looked up slightly, her lips curving in a small, begrudging smile. "I submit. I, Lilith Vespera, Demon Queen of Lust, offer myself as your subordinate."
Marianne fainted on the spot.
Bob, ever steady, poured a fresh cup of tea. "Would you like me to draft the employment contract, my lord?"
Magnus rubbed his face. "Man… why do I always end up collecting weirdos?"
He peeked over the throne at Marianne, sprawled on the ground. "Hey, Sister Marianne, wake up. We're gonna need someone to explain to the staff why the Queen of Lust is suddenly on payroll."
Lilith let out a soft laugh, brushing dust from her dress. "Oh, don't look so stressed, little brother. I'll behave… mostly."
Magnus groaned. "Bob… seriously, get me that punching bag labeled 'Author.' I'm gonna need it."
Bob gave a polite bow. "At once, my lord."