Going Back in Time
Seth
I wish I could go back in time—back when you were still here.
I stood still, looking at the tombstone in front of me. The rain started pouring all of a sudden, and my body felt numb from the cold. The water sent chills through me, and the only thing I could hear was the rain. It felt like the sky knew how I felt inside.
"This is harder than I thought it'd be," I told myself. It took a while before I could gather enough strength to finally speak.
"It's been so long, Ivan," I said, trying to talk to the person buried beneath the grave I'm standing in front of. "Sorry it took me this long to visit you." The truth is, I never wanted to come here—because part of me still refuses to accept that you're really gone.
I closed my eyes and looked up at the sky, trying to hide the tears that escaped as I remembered the time we spent together during our final year in high school.
Everything felt so simple then. We were on our field trip, just enjoying the moments we had left before graduation, which was only a week away.
But then, the accident happened—right in the middle of the trip. The bus we were on crashed, and Ivan lost his life. It was so sudden. Even now, the pain is still here. We had so many plans for the future... but they were all gone in an instant.
"Why did you have to leave me first?" I cried out between shaky sobs. "Why did you abandon me? We had so many plans... and now they're all gone." My voice broke, trembling as the cold rain soaked through me, but I didn't care.
I poured everything out—everything I had buried deep in my heart for so long.
I told him how hard it was to keep going after the accident. How every day felt like a struggle just to breathe. I told him how the memories haunted me, how that day, which was supposed to be one of the happiest in our lives, turned into something I wish I could forget—but never could. Instead of joy, all it left behind was pain... and a wound that still refuses to heal.
"I wish you were here," I whispered softly. "I must sound pathetic, huh? Wishing for something that will never come true... because you're really gone now."
My voice trembled, but I kept going. "Still, I hope you're happy—wherever you are. I hope your journey in the afterlife is peaceful."
I gave a small, bitter smile as the truth finally sank in. He's gone. Really gone.
And now... I was ready to let go.
I wiped the tears from my cheeks, noticing how the rain had started to ease. A calmness settled over me as I looked at his name one last time and smiled—this time, truly.
"I'll see you soon, alright?" I said gently, almost like a promise. Then I turned and walked away, feeling something inside me finally begin to heal. Like a weight I'd been carrying for so long had quietly lifted.
A while after I left the cemetery, I found myself sitting at a nearby bus station, waiting for a friend to pick me up and drive me home. The rain had finally stopped, and people were now passing by in waves—like leaves drifting off trees in the wind, each lost in their own world.
I sat in silence, letting the noise of the world wash over me, when a man—maybe in his mid-thirties—unexpectedly sat beside me. He turned to me and gently asked, "Are you alright?"
I wasn't planning to say anything. I didn't want to talk. But somehow, my lips moved on their own and I found myself saying, "Clearly, I'm not doing well right now... but I hope things will get better someday."
After a brief pause, he quietly mumbled, "Losing someone is never easy."
I gave him a bitter smile. "It never is," I replied, my voice barely above a whisper.
Then, without saying another word, he reached into his bag and pulled something out—small, carefully wrapped, as if it meant something. He handed it to me.
"Take this. It's just a keepsake," he said gently. "I don't know what you've been through, but... I hope everything turns out alright for you." His gesture caught me off guard—simple, yet strangely comforting.
"But—" I started to speak, confused by his kindness. He cut me off with a soft smile. "We'll see each other sometime again, Seth," he said, as if he already knew me.
I was so stunned I couldn't say a word—I just sat there, watching him disappear into the crowd, clutching the old pocket watch he had placed in my hands.
I only snapped back to reality when I heard someone calling out to me.
"Seth!" It was Travis. He rushed over, eyes scanning me with concern. "Are you alright?" he asked, his voice filled with worry.
I gave a small nod, forcing a tired smile. "I'm just a little tired, that's all," I replied quietly, still holding the pocket watch like it was the most fragile thing in the world.
"Alright, if you're okay, let's head out now, or you'll catch a cold," Travis said. I simply nodded and followed him to his car, slipping into the passenger seat without another word. He drove me back to my old home.
As we moved through familiar roads, I gazed out the window, letting the scenery wash over me. It was all so familiar, yet slightly different—time had moved on without me. Trees looked taller, buildings a little more worn, and the streets held memories I hadn't thought about in a long time. A small, wistful smile found its way onto my face.
"So," Travis broke the silence, "how was your trip to the city?"
"It's fine," I replied, my voice low and distant.
He glanced at me briefly before asking, "Will you be staying until the holidays? They're just around the corner."
"I'm not sure," I admitted, keeping my eyes on the road outside. "I just need to rest for a bit before I head back—I've got a lot to do for my studies."
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a flicker of concern on his face. I knew he wanted to say something, to ask more—but before he could, I cut in.
"I'll be fine, Travis," I said firmly, leaving no room for argument. I didn't want anyone worrying about me anymore.
He gave a small nod and said nothing more. That was just the kind of person Travis was—quiet, understanding. He never pushed, never questioned. He simply stood by you when you needed it.
It's what made him such a great friend... someone you could count on, even in silence.
After a while, we finally arrived at my old home—the place I used to live, now quiet and still like a memory frozen in time. We stepped out of the car and made our way to the door.
"Do you want some coffee?" I offered, half out of habit, half hoping he'd stay a little longer.
"It's fine," Travis replied with a small smile. "I've got some errands to run, so I'll be off now." He turned back toward his car.
"Thanks for the ride, Travis!" I called out before he could drive away. He gave me a quick wave and a nod before getting in and pulling out of the driveway.
Stepping into the house, a familiar warmth greeted me—soft, quiet, and comforting. I spotted my mom in the living room, resting on the couch with her eyes closed, breathing gently. She looked peaceful, almost like she'd been waiting.
I walked over quietly and gently wrapped my arms around her. She stirred at the touch, slowly waking up. "Seth, you're here," she murmured, still half-asleep.
I let out a soft chuckle. "You should head to your room now, Mom," I said gently. "I'll be resting in mine too."
"Alright," she mumbled, rubbing her eyes. Then, with a tired smile, she added, "But make sure to shower first before bed. Sleeping in damp clothes will only make you sick." Even now, she never stopped being a mom.
I nodded, and we quietly made our way to our rooms. After a warm shower and changing into a fresh set of pajamas, I finally allowed myself to settle down and rest.
Sitting on the edge of my bed, I paused for a moment, my thoughts inevitably drifting back to the old pocket watch the stranger had given me earlier.
I reached into the damp pocket of my pants and carefully pulled it out, setting it gently on the study table beside my bed. I'd take a closer look at it tomorrow, when my mind was clearer.
Just as I was about to lie down, my eyes fell on something else—an old, slightly worn notebook tucked beside some books on the shelf. I reached for it without thinking.
It was my diary. The one I used to write in back when everything still felt whole.
I sat back down and slowly began flipping through the pages, reading the thoughts, dreams, and memories of my younger self—words that now felt like echoes from another lifetime.
Every entry in the diary was about him.
Our afternoons at the café, late-night karaoke sessions, and the small moments that made high school unforgettable—all captured in fading ink.
But when I reached the last page, there was only one line: "I wish I could go back in time."
It was the shortest entry I had ever written. And somehow, it said the most.
I had written it on the day of his funeral—a funeral I never had the courage to attend.
Instead, I locked myself in my room, crying, desperately trying to convince myself it was all just a bad dream. But it wasn't. I was too afraid to face the truth—that he was really gone. That's why it took me this long to finally visit his grave.
I let out a quiet sigh, gently closing the diary and placing the pocket watch on top of it. The weight of the day settled over me, and before I knew it, sleep pulled me under.
For the first time since the accident, I slept peacefully.
**********
I woke up to my mom shouting—so loud it almost hurt my ears. "Seth! Didn't you say you were going shopping for school supplies with Ivan today?" Her words made me jump out of bed. Ivan? That can't be right.
I looked around the room—it felt strange, yet familiar. Something was off. I quickly checked my phone, and my heart raced. My suspicion was right. I had gone back in time. I scratched my head, feeling lightheaded. How... did this even happen?
To prove it was just a dream, I pinched myself—only to flinch at the sharp pain. I took a deep breath, still trying to process what was happening. Then it hit me—the pocket watch the man had given me. Without thinking, I rushed to my bedside table. And there it was, right where I left it, beside my old diary. I picked it up and looked closely. The watch had stopped—frozen at the exact time I went to bed last night.
But how? Why was I here? Then, a sudden thought crossed my mind. I remembered the final words I had written in my diary: "I wish I could go back in time."
Softly, I muttered, "That wish... it actually came true." My heart was pounding in my chest. I never thought something like this could actually happen.
"Seth!" my mom called out again as she stepped into my room. "Get ready—Ivan's already downstairs waiting for you." I took a deep breath, trying to stay calm.
"I'll take a quick shower first, Mom. Let him know I'll be down soon." She nodded and left the room. Without wasting a second, I rushed to get ready.
My hands were shaking a little as I got ready to go out. The idea of seeing Ivan again after all this time made me really nervous. Just thinking about him made my chest feel tight, like a pain I couldn't ignore.
But it still made me happy to see him once again. Being given the chance to go back might have been a miracle but I wish to change his fate. No, I'll definitely do everything to save him.
After I finished my shower, I wrapped myself in a towel and stepped out of the bathroom. But the moment I did, I stopped in my tracks. Someone was sitting on the edge of my bed. My heart jumped. "What are you doing here?" I asked, startled.
"Your mom let me in," he said, just as surprised as I was.
I quickly grabbed some clothes, feeling flustered. "I told her I'd come down after my shower... but of course, she didn't listen," I muttered, a bit frustrated.
I had imagined seeing him again so many times—but never like this. Not wrapped in a towel, fresh out of the bathroom, with him sitting on the edge of my bed like it was the most normal thing in the world.
"Sorry," he said quietly, his voice calm but serious. The mood suddenly felt heavier.
I stopped for a second and looked at him. He was still the same—I could tell. Calm on the outside, but always holding something deeper inside.
I sighed. "You don't have to say sorry," I said. "I was just surprised. I'm the one who yelled. Sorry about that." His face relaxed, and the tension disappeared. I smiled at him.
After I got dressed, we headed out. We still had to take a ride to the nearest mall.
As soon as we stepped outside, the heat hit us. The sun was bright, and there wasn't a single cloud in the sky. But I remembered—it would probably rain later in the afternoon. Just to be safe, I grabbed an umbrella.
We got to the mall without any problems. As expected on a weekend, it was full of people—families, shoppers, and groups of friends enjoying the day.
"Once we get everything we need, we'll meet up with the others," I said while checking my phone. Travis had just sent a message saying they were already here.
"Alright," Ivan said casually.
I sighed and grabbed his arm, pulling him into one of the stores so we could get things done quickly.
Ivan was different now from when we first met in high school. Back then, he was quiet and kept to himself. But over time, he changed—he started making friends easily and blended in with everyone. He was outgoing, but not loud. Confident, but not full of himself.
Still, there were moments when he'd go quiet, like something was on his mind.
I always hoped I could help him open up more. I'd bring up things I knew he liked, but he'd only give short answers before turning the conversation back to me.
Most people probably thought he was a bit distant. But I knew he wasn't. Underneath that calm, laid-back side was someone kind and thoughtful.
I remembered one time, on our way home, we found a stray cat. Without thinking, Ivan knelt down and gently petted it, his touch soft and careful.
When I told him to take it home, he just shook his head and said pets weren't allowed at his place. I could tell he really wanted to, but he couldn't.
So, I took the cat home instead. Back then, it was small and skinny—but now, it's grown bigger and chubbier. I named it Gray because of its fur, and every time Ivan visited, he always made sure to play with it.
"I've got everything I need," I said, glancing at my bag. "What about you, Ivan?"
"Yeah, I'm all set," Ivan said with a laid-back smile.
"Great. Let's go pay," I replied. "I'll text the others and let them know we're on the way." We headed to the cashier and checked out.
Once we were done, we made our way to the usual café where we always met up with our friends. The moment we sat down, Travis looked up and greeted us with a grin. "Long time no see, Seth. Ivan."
"Yeah," I said with a small nod. "You just got back from vacation yesterday, right?"
Travis let out a sigh. "I didn't even want to go, but my parents wouldn't let me stay home during summer."
I laughed a little. Same old Travis. "At least you got to go somewhere. We were stuck at home the whole time," I said.
"Alright, let's change the topic," James said. "Any news about our class this year?"
Travis grinned. "We're all still in the same class, James. Unless you failed last year—then you'd be stuck for another year."
"I didn't fail!" James replied quickly, clearly annoyed. "I just got a lower score than usual on the finals!"
Everyone laughed—except Ivan. He was looking at me with a strange expression. I looked at him. "Is something wrong?" He shook his head quietly. I smiled and ruffled his hair before turning back to the others. This really feels like home.