JUDE
My throat is raw. Painful.
I can't feel my face, and I know that my eyes are puffy, my head is throbbing, and yet… and yet I still can't stop the tears.
I have never been more scared in my life. It feels like everything is going to end. I don't know how to stop it, make it still enough for me to capture it, be able to hold it, because I feel it slipping away.
I fear that if I don't do something, if I don't try to hold this feeling, no, not feeling but this part of myself, I will lose it forever.
I am scared that I have felt something I have never felt before, become alive, and now it's slipping away just as quickly. I have never thought I could ever feel this way, be this way.
I have even told myself I can't be like this, and now that it's here, I want to keep it. But I know I can't because it's impossible. If I can't keep it, if I can't hold it still and cherish it, then at least I deserve to be seen.
