Chapter 89 – A Long-Awaited Encounter (4) ###
Translated by: ShawnSuh
Edited by: SootyOwl
That was right. Juho had been writing in order to consume his emotions. In Hyun Do's own words, he had "digested" them.
"But it seems more like a habit."
"Which means you write like it's your habit."
It was just as Hyun Do said. Whenever he was angry, Juho had reached for his pen ever since he was young. It had eventually become a habit, and for that reason, he didn't think of writing as something that needed practice or training.
One eventually became a better writer the more they wrote. Assuming that everything he had written so far had been a way to express his anger, Hyun Do's conjecture would make sense.
"You've been naturally embodying your emotions in your writing. Over time, that habit's turned into something that sets you apart as an author. Writing sincerely is one of the most difficult things to do, but on the other hand, it's also the easiest. At times, even a child can write something with sincerity."
"So what does that make me?"
"In your case, it wouldn't be an overstatement to say that your talent came with practice. Although, you don't seem to be too caught up with people calling you a genius," added Hyun Do, examining Juho's face intently.
'He must have figured it out already,' Juho thought. With a smile, he decided to admit it, "You're right. I'm after a different title."
"That's wise," he said as he changed the subject. "In this field, there's nothing more foolish than coveting after talent."
'Drag.' The door opened as soon as Hyun Do finished speaking. The food had finally come out. The table was filled with various kinds of dishes, and Juho studied the food, which was Hyun Do's go-to item on the menu.
"I'm seeing fish?"
"Hope it's to your liking."
"I'm not very picky."
"That's good. Being picky is fatal to an author."
The statement wasn't exclusively for food. Prejudice. Bias. Those were the things that authors had to avoid at all cost. Juho nodded immediately as he understood what Hyun Do was trying to say.
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As they began their meal, Juho cut open his fish, revealing its pale, buttery meat. The fragrance of garlic and herbs made the dish all the more appetizing. The asparagus that came with it left a clean after taste. It was delicious.
"You seem to like it."
"Yes, this is great!"
As they ate, Hyun do resumed the conversation, "So, how far did you get with transcribing?"
It was about his book, so Juho shared his progress with him, "I'm at the part where the old man is about to start observing the three brothers next door."
"Hm."
One would describe that scene as a transition from the beginning to the middle of the book. Having been left alone at home, the old man started to peek at the three brothers living next door. That part was one of the more drawn out parts in the book, an old man peeking at the three innocent brothers. The three brothers turned against each other as if they were affected by the old man. It was the beginning of the breakdown.
Suddenly, Juho became curious as to why Hyun Do left such potent emotions in his sentences. 'What could have been his reason for detailing such uncomfortable emotions?' And he asked the author without hesitation, "So, what made you write a book like that?"
"A book as in?"
"The one you wrote like you were being forced to."
"There are two reasons," said Hyun Do with a smile, putting two fingers out. He had quite a few explanations for such an impulsively written book. "One has to do with the cause for writing that book."
"The cause."
It was the word for a reason or an opportunity that produced a certain outcome.
"One day, I looked into a mirror."
"Like usual?"
"Yes. Then, I tried distorting the image on purpose. I wanted to write another book. The obvious evaporated, and I was left only with doubt. In that state, I looked into the mirror again. The fact that I was able to see myself in it fascinated me, but it put me off at the same time. No matter how much I resist, my mind recognized that I was looking at myself. Whether drunk, or asleep, I was me. It got old after a while."
It didn't matter how much one fought back or denied it. That fact remained the same.
"One finds himself in a mirror," echoed Juho quietly, and Hyun Do nodded.
"There's no fun in that." With that, he began to talk about animals, "Elephants are generally known to be smart. When you give them a mirror for the first time, they examine what's behind it. They become wary at first, but they eventually become curious and think that it wants to be friends with it. I was jealous of the fact that animals were capable of expressing such diverse emotions at themselves. I wondered what it'd feel like to be able to treat myself like a stranger."
When first presented with a mirror, a wild animal tended to attack it, not knowing that it was attacking its own reflection. It became wary and fearful at itself, which was unimaginable for a human. It wasn't common for a person to punch a mirror because they didn't recognize their own reflection. Despite humans being animals themselves, that was a strange phenomenon.
"I wanted to be that kind of animal," said Hyun Do, cutting into his fish.
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Being an animal. 'Have I ever thought about that?' Juho thought.
"I don't pretend to know everything. I think repeatedly, wondering who the stranger in the mirror is the entire day. It enables me to think freely, without hindrance. I might end up spending my entire life trying to stand side by side with that person, wanting to strike a conversation. It's delightful. Isn't it exciting?"
It was exciting. 'Did he achieve his goal?' Juho wondered.
"But it didn't turn out as I'd hoped. In the end, I'm me. So, I picked up a pen instead. That's all I could do."
"So that's how 'The Mirror' came about."
Hyun Do nodded lightly. Juho felt somewhat suffocated. He imagined what Hyun Do had said. It was a tiny space without windows or doors, making it impossible to go in or out. Whether his eyes were open or closed, he found himself in the same place. There was no answer as to when he would be freed from such containment. It was a freedom even death couldn't promise to grant. There was a wall right before his eyes, his nose nearly touching it. No matter which direction he turned, it was always the same color. An old, worn out wall that stood for all eternity. In the containment, he lived his entire life. He stared at the wall intently, and it began to move like it was alive, throbbing. When he blinked, the wall no longer moved. Instead, a hole appeared on it. Slowly, Juho brought his eye to it. He had been deceived. It wasn't a hole. It was a black eye. The black, gaping eye of a crow. The wall opened its mouth wide, and then...
... his fish came in sight. His heart was beating slightly fast. Subconsciously, he had examined its pale meat. It was a mere fish on a plate, and he brought a piece into his mouth, its rich flavor spreading around it.
"This is great."
"I'm glad."
Hyun Do's voice rushed into Juho's ears as the cawing of the crow lingered.
"Maybe liking myself is harder than it seems."
Despite his somewhat random remark, Hyun Do answered calmly, "As long you don't hate yourself to death."
Once again, a sense of relief washed over Juho. Smiling, he parted his lips in order to carry on the conversation, "So, what's the second reason?"
Hyun Do did say that there were two reasons for writing his book, 'The Winter."
"I heard a very nostalgic song in the street one day," he said nonchalantly, and Juho knew immediately that he wasn't just referring to music. "It was a song that I hadn't heard in a very long time. The moment I heard it, all the memories associated with it came rushing back, as if I'd never forgotten them. It's a persistent one, that song."
"Kind of sounds like a person."
"You guessed right."
Juho looked at Hyun Do and brought up the name of the person he was thinking about at the moment, "Mr. Wol Kang.
"That's right."
Yun Seo Baek, Hyun Do Lim, and Wol Kang had been friends who had spent their entire youth together. Yun Seo Baek and Wol Kang became lovers while Hyun Do Lim remained their friend. Then, leaving his friend and wife behind, Wol Kang passed away. 'In that case, what was the significance of Hyun Do's impulsivity associated with Wol Kang?'
"Forcing emotions into writing. That's what that friend of mine used to do a lot."
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From that sentence alone, Juho felt like everything had clicked. Hyun Do hadn't been talking about himself when he'd mentioned indigestion. He had sounded like he was sharing his experience. Which meant...
"Wol was just like you."
It had been about Wol Kang.
"The digestive process?"
"That's right. That's how he described his work – that his job was to digest emotions, feelings and experiences with his entire body and turn them into writing that had a similar flavor. He always said that there was flavors to writing. Some were pleasant and made you more than willing to swallow them, while others had the opposite effect. I never understood that, but I'm sure you do."
"Well... Somewhat."
It was more than possible to compare food with writing. It was essential to survival. When eaten in a hurry, or eaten when spoiled, it was bound to get the person sick. The remedy to that was yet more food. In any scenario, a person had to eat. There had been a time when Juho hadn't been able to write in the past. Then, he finally came to the realization that just because he had been breathing, it didn't necessarily mean that he was alive.
Once he heard Hyun Do, everything made sense. Back then, his "digestive system" had stopped functioning. While the emotions had kept piling away, there hadn't been a way for him to digest them, making him lazy and lethargic. It was only natural that he hadn't been able to lead a healthy life. In the end, he couldn't help but start writing again. 'I wonder if Wol Kang was the same way,' Juho wondered.
"So, I was simply trying to mimic him. I wanted to try writing in his distinct style. In other words, impulsivity." After a brief pause, Hyun Do continued, "I did learn something from it though."
"What did you learn?" Juho asked.
Looking down, he answered. "It's not for me to squander my emotions when I write."
"Squander?"
"I had to rest for an entire month after writing that book. I was amazed at how much emotion he used to gather up, even to the point of emptying himself."
Juho understood what it meant to be empty. It was the feeling that he had been holding onto since the completion of his first book. However...
"Isn't that why we write?"
"Hm?" Hyun Do asked, looking puzzled.
"That feeling of being emptied. I feel it too, but it gets filled back quickly. That's how I'm able to write. In other words, it's a sense of consumption. It's fun to spend money."
"Money, huh. You really are more mature than you let on," said Hyun Do, looking entertained. Then, thinking for a brief time, he calmly parted his lips to say, "Every author has his way, so I'm not trying to tell you otherwise. Only, your way might be a little risky."
"Risky?"
"Once your digestive system breaks, your body no longer becomes sustainable."
Suddenly, the air grew heavy.
"Huh?"
"People who stay as close to writing as you do tend to break down. Wol suffered quite a bit too."
"Suffer how?"
"For example..." He paused for a brief moment. "Indigestion."
It was an answer much more light-hearted than what Juho had anticipated.Chapter 90 – A Long-Awaited Encounter (5) ###
Translated by: ShawnSuh
Edited by: SootyOwl
"Indigestion, huh?"
Juho knew that Hyun Do wasn't simply referring to a stomach problem.
'What would happen if I couldn't digest my own emotions anymore? Would I last? If the organs in my body stopped working one by one and I became incapable of perceiving any emotion, would I still be able to write?' The likely answer would have to be, 'No.'
"Don't be too scared." Juho looked up at the sound Hyun Do's voice. He wore a warm smile and said, "You're different. You're not like that fool."
"Huh?"
"Earlier, I said I was puzzled about your book, right?"
Juho remembered the conversation that had briefly gone astray in which Hyun Do had said that he had been puzzled by Juho's new book.
"I think I'm starting to get it now," Hyun Do continued.
"Get what?"
"You must be a light eater. All it takes to fill you up is a handful of food. It gives you the energy you need to write."
That had been how Juho had been able to write a new book in such a short time. Juho looked at Hyun Do's nearly-empty plate. He was right. More so than others, Juho was able to spend the energy and able to fill his stomach up just as quickly. He was able to find emotions faster, enabling him to write more often.
"You do seem to be greedy about food." Because of his greedy side, he had stored up the food that he hadn't gotten to eat at his house. Hyun Do was incredibly accurate. "As long as you chew your food, you'll be fine."
"How was Mr. Wol Kang?" Juho asked before realizing it.
"He didn't know what it meant to be efficient. He would cause all kinds of ruckus when he was trying to fill his stomach. He wasn't the type to think about consequences, so he ate recklessly. Light eating was far from his lifestyle," Hyun Do said with a chuckle.
Juho became unbearably curious about him. He was dying to meet him. If possible, he was even willing to ask Hyun Do. Unfortunately, Wol Kang was no longer around. Even if Juho had asked for it, Hyun Do wouldn't have been able to help. However, as an author, there was a way – to write. 'As long as I stay active as an author, I'll eventually get to meet him on paper,' Juho thought. He was dying to know more about him.
Despite how Juho had been feeling, the meal was nearing its end. With the exception of a few pieces of tomato, there was nothing left. As if he had been taking Juho's pace into consideration, Hyun Do, too, had nearly finished his food.
Three pieces. At that sight, Juho thought of a couple of things to talk about.
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"What do you think about the number three?" Juho asked, and Hyun Do looked up at him. "I happen to have three pieces of tomatoes left on my plate," he explained.
Despite the light-hearted subject, Hyun Do answered with a smile. He was growing fond of the young author who wasn't afraid to talk to him, "The number three, huh? It's a number easy to give significance to."
"How so?"
Hyun Do took his dishes and shook them lightly. It was more than enough to catch Juho's attention.
"Earth is the third planet in the solar system, and we eat three meals throughout the day."
"Pork belly is a wonderful thing," added Juho.
"There are three medals in the Olympics. The first three get a medal.
"You stay in high school for three years."
(TL's note: In Korea, high school lasts for three years whereas elementary school spans six.)
"Korea was labeled a third-world country after the war."
"It was also divided into three nations at one point in history."
"Also the current government is divided into three major branches. Legislative, Executive, and the Judicial. Separation of Powers."
It had been fun and informative, but now, it was Juho's turn. He thought of a person who immediately came to mind when thinking about the number three.
"Do you happen to know Joon Soo Bong?"
He was an author who had a habit of gathering luck by tapping things three times. He was also very considerate toward others.
"He used to be one of Yun Seo's pupils. I believe he's an author now. I saw him a few days ago."
"He loves the number three."
"He did have an odd habit."
Hyun Do must have known. Of course, considering how sharp Hyun Do was, it would have been odd if he hadn't.
"He's just the kind she would like." He was referring to Yun Seo, and after seeing the curiosity in Juho's eyes, Hyun Do added, "Joon Soo loves people. It's apparent in the way he writes. Affectionate, but delicate at times."
"Right."
"Learn to like people who are rough around the edges in a way. That would mean that you're learning to love humanity in its entirety."
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"Nobody's perfect after all."
"That's right. Just like how there's no such a thing as a perfect sentence."
Juho thought about Yun Seo's pupils. Geun Woo, he wore a depressed look at all times, regretting on a daily basis. Joon Soo, he was somewhat obsessed with the number three. In that case, did that mean that Juho, who Yun Seo had grown fond of, was rough around the edges in some way? It was likely. After all, he too was a person. That also applied just as much to Hyun Do, who was a figure of respect for all authors.
From that point of view, perfection didn't seem all that desirable. If anything, Juho no longer wanted to be a perfect person. With that, he picked up one of the pieces of tomato that had made a perfect triangle and put it in his mouth.
Another subject came to mind about the number three.
"There's also the three brothers from 'The Mirror.'"
The three brothers who the old man had peeked at. The eldest had been greedy and foolish, coming up with rules that only worked to his advantage. Though the two younger brothers complained, the eldest didn't budge. When he lost even with the rules that gave him an advantage, he didn't hesitate to contradict himself. In such a hypocritical world, the two younger brothers weren't the only people who were unhappy.
"In the end, the eldest gets ostracized by his two brothers. Just as the old man wanted."
Hyun Do nodded quietly.
"Then, he loses his family."
As he celebrated the misfortune of the eldest of the three in his heart, the old man received a phone call, announcing his solitude. There was no longer anyone around him to listen to him, except for himself in the mirror.
"It was merciless," said Juho.
Cruel. He had wanted someone to show mercy to both the eldest of the three and the old man. Because he had been so emotionally invested in the old man, Juho always became immersed in those feelings.
"Hm."
The creator who had been responsible for such a merciless story was sitting peacefully in front of him.
"While we're at it, I'd like to hear your interpretation," said Hyun Do, his eyes filled with interest. "Where is it?"
It was the old man's monologue. At the end of the book, the old man asked himself. "Where is it?" He was asking for his location. It signified his identity being shaken to the core. The book came to its unfortunate end without getting into too much detail about how things turned out for the old man. 'What happened to the old man afterwards?' Juho had asked himself. Ever since his first read of Hyun Do's book, he had expected the demise of the old man.
Taking a fork, he mushed the two remaining pieces of tomato. Its juices gushed out.
"I'm assuming he died."
"Why is that?" Hyun Do asked.
"People aren't made to live in solitude."
"Did you ever think that another person might appear?"
"I did. I even thought about him starting a new family after falling in love all over again, but I think that's a little sad."
"What would make it sad?"
"The fact that the stubborn old man was disappearing. He kind of grew on me, so I wanted him to be around. If he couldn't die, then it'd be better for him to live in his home alone."
"Don't you feel bad for the old man? That sounds kind of selfish," said Hyun Do, smiling. Juho's interpretation had no regards for the old man's point of view. However, starting a new family didn't seem like it would make the old man happy. Though he didn't have any basis for his thoughts, that had been Juho's understanding of the old man.
Bringing the remaining pieces of tomato he had mashed up previously to his mouth, Juho said to Hyun Do, "A reader gets the privilege of being selfish."
Hyun Do admitted it with calm eyes, "Now, should we get some dessert?"
With that, the meal came to an end.
Having been excused, Juho made his way to the restroom. Talking with Hyun Do had been an odd experience. Though he had felt comfortable in the moment, in hindsight, he learned that he was rather worn out, which meant that he had spent a lot of energy trying to keep up with Hyun Do.
'Buzz,' his phone rang as he washed his hands. It was a curious text from Seo Joong. As he was in the process of writing a quick reply, Juho remembered what Seo Joong had said about the restaurant, "That place is well-known among authors."
He had also told Juho that he might run into a famous author if he was lucky. As he walked out of the restroom, he secretely looked around the interior of the restaurant. Unfortunately, he couldn't see anything but the customers' backs from where he was. He was about to quietly go back to his table, when...
"I'm happy!"
A shout sounded from the ladies' room. He stopped in his tracks at the sound of the excited voice.
"OK. I'll be quiet, but really. I saw Mr. Hyun Do Lim! I'd never met him in person before! It'd be rude to try to talk to him right? I want his autograph so bad! Please, stop me."
The woman sounded rather excited. She had to be Hyun Do's fan.
"This world is worth living in after all. Are you jealous? Haha! I can think back to this day and write for at least a couple more years!"
It sounded like she was also a writer. Juho became curious about the kinds of things the woman wrote and decided to stick around a little longer to listen to her.
"But I didn't just see Mr. Lim."
'Was there another author here?' Juho wondered as he tried look in the direction of his table.
"There was another person. Yes, it's possible, but I never said it was anything weird. He was young too. Now, I can't just sit here and not think about this."
She was talking about Juho. She cleared her throat.
"On the outside, he seemed to be a high school student. He came into the restaurant around eleven in the morning, and judging from his observant attitude, it seemed to be his first time here. Madame Song seemed a lot more excited than usual, so he must be no ordinary guest. Besides, he's with Mr. Lim. Doesn't that paint a picture?"
Juho grew somewhat anxious. It felt like she was about to bring up the name "Yun Woo." Suddenly, she stopped talking. Instead, she started to beg the person on the phone to listen.
"Hold on, I'll get to the point. So, the person Mr. Lim was with would be no other than...!"
No other than...
"His own family!"
Juho chuckled. Her reasoning had been less than impressive. 'Nope. I'm not a family member.' No matter how many times he repeated himself, it wouldn't have reached her. With that, Juho made his way back to the table. As he went into the private room, he saw that the desserts had already come out – fresh fruit juice and herbal tea. The tea was in front of Hyun Do, while the cup of juice had been placed on Juho's side of the table.
He took a sip of the juice. Because it had been blended with ice, it was rather refreshing. After having been in a somewhat heated situation, the juice also had a calming effect on him. He wondered if the silence between the conversations was Hyun Do's way of providing a place for him to rest.
He took another refreshing sip.