Solas had reminded her of her ambition to become a doctor, and being trapped in this primitive place shouldn't derail that. The work would also be a pretty decent distraction.
So the first thing she had done the next morning was head to the infirmary. She had become largely reliant on her magic when it came to fixing people, completely neglecting the other side of it. Her magic could fix injuries; so far it couldn't fix viruses or bacterial infections.
She could help in the treatment of those things and learn more about the non-magical way of healing injuries.
She had already spoken to Adan and Stitches about germs and the importance of hygiene and sanitising. And they had implemented measures to make that easier. Mostly the best they had to sanitise was boiling water, so stoves had been set up in a room near the infirmary for that purpose. It also doubled as storage. They also had handwashing stations in the infirmary itself but sectioned off; unfortunately, they had to rely on regular soap. Holli was planning to start improving things in small ways to start until she figured out how to effect bigger change.
The first thing she intended to do was develop an antibacterial soap. She knew garlic, thyme, tea tree and eucalyptus had antiseptic properties that could be extracted for a soap. She had no idea if eucalyptus even existed here.
Adan had a list of plants that he used in treating infections and in his poultices and elixirs, so she would start there in finding one that would make a good soap.
The infirmary was also where all the most useful equipment for this was located, so she would be spending a lot more time there. It would be pretty sweet if she could set up her own lab in the castle somewhere.
She was also trying to figure out how to make a thermometer. She knew how they worked, and if she could find the right people to make the parts, she knew how to make one. What she needed to figure out was the scale and how to make sure it was accurate.
She also needed better equipment. She wanted to be able to distil isopropanol, ethanol, and carbolic acid. The former for her thermometer, and the latter for sanitisation.
She had spoken to Adan about the equipment she was hoping to get a hold of, and while some of it existed, some of it did not. So she drew up some designs, wrote out some instructions and specs, and passed them on to Adan, who would try and track down someone who could do it.
She had also asked Josephine for some parchment. Holli was going to rewrite the Atlas of Human Anatomy in their language so Adan and Stitches could read it too. Talking to Varric, he could hit up his publisher, and she might be able to get more copies of it to distribute to other physicians and herbalists.
In between that, Holli continued to try hard in helping others; it went a small way in alleviating the guilt of killing so many people, even if it hadn't been entirely her fault.
She had continued to heal Mr Loewe as well; it had to be done in sessions, but it was getting there. He was slowly regaining more and more sensation. Yesterday he'd even been able to wiggle his toe. He and his wife had shed tears of joy at the sight. Holli had grown a bit misty-eyed too as she'd sat there completely exhausted after the bout of healing. She was getting better at staying more cognizant so the other mages didn't have to be as heavy-handed in their intervention.
But Holli found it was easier to keep busy. When she stopped, she started drifting. It was easier to have something to focus on. She had finished up her blueprints for Master Harrit to see if he could make the bicycle frame, chain, and wheel, and she had been talking to people about rubber. Rubber was real here; it did exist, but not in the amounts of her world. It was quite difficult to get. But she had managed to put in a requisition for it. She was the Herald, and everyone knew her mum had just died, so they were all right with granting a few strange requests. She had no idea if she'd be able to turn that rubber into tyres, but she was willing to give it a go. She knew vulcanisation made rubber more durable, and she had a vague idea of the process and some of the chemicals involved, but there was no way to replicate it here. Nor was she familiar enough with the process to attempt it. Maybe one day. She would just have to make do with what she could get.
Despite how busy she kept herself during the day, at night when she lay down to sleep, there was still that time before drifting off where the grief hit with all the force of a truck. Sometimes she'd cry herself to sleep again; other times she'd just lie there and wallow. Sometimes Cole was there; he would turn up on the really bad nights, and they would lie down on her bedroll and talk. Mostly she would talk. Sometimes he would, when he had something to say. And they would talk until she fell asleep.
The negative side to not sleeping in the Fade was her dreams. Sometimes she had the nightmares, but other times she had great dreams. Dreams where she would be hanging out with Curtis and Yvette at the mall or their favourite stairs at school, just shooting the shit. Or she'd be with her mum. And those dreams hurt more, waking up and realising she'd never have that again. Or in her mum's case, ever. The grief would hit all over again. Those mornings were the worst.
Sometimes she regretted listening to Solas that day.
Just keep busy.
"I see why you three are here," Krem said. "But why am I here?"
Holli looked to Sera. Wasn't it obvious?
"For your sword," Sera replied, in quite the 'duh' tone, in Holli's opinion.
"You're all fighters," Krem pointed out. "Well, maybe not you," he tacked on, looking at Holli.
"Right, so three and a half is better than two and a half," Sera pointed out.
"And why are we doing this without the boss? Or anyone else?"
"Because they might be against it," Holli admitted.
"Seems like more reason not to do it," Krem said.
"Well, we're going to do it with or without you," Sera told him. "You might as well stay to make sure we don't die."
"Or I could just go back to the castle and tell them what you're up to."
"You think we couldn't stop you?" Sera grinned, almost feral.
Holli sighed. "Can we not? Just help us, Krem. Please? We can put in a good word for you with Maryden."
"He tell you about that?" He asked, glaring accusingly in Cole's direction while flushing in embarrassment.
Sera laughed, not unkindly, more in amusement.
"No, he didn't have to," Holli said. "It's obvious. Whenever she's playing, you get all – " She clasped her hands together, put on a look of pure adoration and batted her eyelashes.
"You also blush and stutter like a moron," Sera added.
"Fine, I'll help," Krem huffed. "But I don't need your help with Maryden. Just keep your mouths shut."
"Thanks, Krem," Holli told him. "Just so you know, she thinks you're hot. Handsome, I mean."
Krems's eyes narrowed on her slightly. "Did you hear her say that?"
"She said 'pleasing to the eye'. I assume that means what it sounds like."
She had been tripped up a couple of times with their old-timey phrases.
Krem smiled, just a moment before he forced it down. "It means what it sounds like," he confirmed.
Holli thought they would make a cute couple. She did wonder how transgenderism worked here. Was magic used for the physical changes? And if not, could it? She wasn't sure how sensitive a topic it was here and hadn't asked. She didn't think she and Krem were close enough for her to pry into something so personal either.
"All right, let's do this then," he sighed.
"I might not even be able to do it," Holli told him. "You may not have to fight anything."
"Let's hope that's the case. If anything happens to you, all of us will be in trouble."
Holli waved him off. "The sky is closed; I'm sure the other rifts will heal on their own eventually."
"What are you basing that on?" Krem asked.
"Youthful optimism," she replied sarcastically.
Really, she wasn't basing it off anything. It was more a hope.
"You don't strike me as an optimist," he said.
Holli just poked her tongue at him.
"Besides, I wasn't just referring to the rifts. Varric and Solas would have our heads."
"So make sure I keep mine, and you'll all get to keep yours," she said, shaking out her glowing hand. She was ready to get on with this.
"All right, everybody ready?" She looked around at the three others.
Sera readied her bow, and Cole and Krem drew their blades. Holli wasn't sure how to do it exactly. She had never opened a rift from nothing, sort of. There had been that one rift connected to the Breach, but it had already existed. And the one she'd opened in Adamant when they'd fallen off that bridge had been... just all reaction, no thought.
Stepping out of the Fade back in Adamant had opened her eyes to new possibilities with her mark. Honestly, she was a bit disgusted with herself; she hadn't thought of it sooner. She was supposed to be better than that.
She had picked a spot in front of her and well out of sight of Skyhold and off the beaten path so they didn't interfere with any travellers. Holli held her hand out, trying to force the magic of her mark – completely separate from her normal magic sort of, but not entirely as far as she could tell – and tried to connect it to... something. When there was a rift, it was easy, like slipping a key into a lock. This felt more like trying to slip a key into solid stone. She was forcing, but she didn't know what she was forcing. Maybe just an aneurysm. After a few moments she dropped her hand with a huff, staring at the spot.
"Performance anxiety?" Sera quipped.
"Bet the Maker is sorry he made you," Holli muttered, casting her the stink eye and drawing an amused snort from Krem.
Holli raised her hand and tried again, but not even a ripple in the veil.
After a solid hour or two of trying, she hadn't managed... anything. The others were no longer at the ready, having taken seats on rocks, or in Krems's case, on the ground against a tree stump.
"Shit," she huffed, stomping her foot.
"Well, this was fun," Krem said, getting to his feet. "Let's call it a day. We can try again tomorrow."
Holli looked to him hopefully. "Really? You don't mind?"
"A couple of hours to sit on my arse and take a nap? Nah, I don't mind," he smirked.
"Everyone's so mean today," she muttered, falling into step with the group as they headed back to Skyhold.
The four of them made their way back, chatting idly as they walked. The gates of Skyhold were left open all day, people coming and going at all hours, and they weren't anticipating an attack. So they just walked right in. They did come face to face with Bull, though, who watched them curiously.
"Where have you four been?" He asked.
"Playing." "Training." "Hunting."
Holli, Krem, and Sera offered three different answers at the same time. Bull fixed his gaze on Krem.
"Krem, you'd lie to your commander?"
"I'm not lying. They are. It was a training exercise. For Holli. She just wanted protection while she was out there practising."
"Practising what?"
Holli averted her eyes. "Like, stuff."
He leaned in, quirking an eyebrow in question. "Like, how concerned do I need to be?" He asked, imitating her tone.
"Not very," she replied. "Once I figure it out, then I'll talk about it. I want to see if I can first."
He contemplated her answer a moment before straightening up. "All right. But this better not come back to bite me in the arse."
"Because that's the Vint's job?" Krem shot Bull quite a shit-eating grin.
Holli's jaw dropped. "I knew it!" She gasped out.
Some of their conversations had walked the line, but they'd also been a little hostile, so it had been difficult to tell.
"Enemies to lovers trope," she murmured.
"We weren't enemies," Bull said. "Specifically."
"So fucking cute," she mumbled, making her way around him to get back inside.
She had to get down to the stable. She had been trying to get better at being around the horses. Riding them alone was still out of the question, but she hoped to be able to one day.
The stable boy had been helping her with it, teaching her more about Sunchaser's personality and how to handle horses in general. He must have been about her age but was super knowledgeable about the animals, and it was clear he had Master Dennet's trust with them as well.
When she saw Emil, she offered a smile and wave. It was still difficult to muster up any sincerity in the smile – it was more her customer service one than anything – but she didn't want to be rude. Emil was doing her a favour by helping her. And at any other time, they probably would have been friends. She just didn't have it in her to be much of a friend right now.
"Hey, Emil," she greeted, joining him at the stable. Sunchaser was still in her stall or whatever they called them.
"Good afternoon, my lady," he greeted.
The boy was usually quite chipper, and despite reminding him of her name, he never used it. A lot of people outside the main Inquisition circle didn't. She didn't like it, but she was getting used to it. Though she had thought a lot of the automatic respect and deference she was given would have dropped off after closing the Breach.
"I saved some apples if you want to feed them to her," he offered.
"Thanks," she said, taking one of the apples.
Ingratiating herself to the horse via food seemed like as good an idea as any. She wasn't really in the mood; she just wanted to go back to her room and crawl into her bedroll. But part of her was worried she wouldn't get out again and the others would come looking like last time.
Just suck it up and do it. She was a functioning human – half human? – being, and no one needed to worry about her.