Death, the value of moisturizer, and impressions.
When I came to, the world was dark with my eyes open. This is, in general, panic inducing. In fact, with my titanic crash into the mountain, blindness was so panic inducing that I reached calm from the other way around. Otherwise known as shock.
"Ah," I spoke into perceivable nothing, "so this is the next life. The void. I have to admit, after finding out magic was real, I was hoping for something more…spectacular."
The process of speaking also introduced me to the faint realization that I was not drifting eternally in the void. The sound felt near, like I was talking in a small room. Unfortunately, this lessened my panic. I slunk back from shocked calm to heart-stopping alarm. Blindness was now an option, or even being buried alive.
I fought against a thick blanket and scrabbled at my face, dreading what I'd find. Holes? Blood? Coins?
I found bandages, which weren't much better, and tore them from my face. I blinked, eyes adjusting as panic plummeted to a disordered idleness. I was not dead, nor blind, nor buried alive.
My ribs did move, but funny. I couldn't bend my right leg, and my neck was in a brace. I'd take what I could get.
I was in a well-kept room, antique feeling, with a warm fire burning in the fireplace. Two other beds lay along the other walls, spread with white sheets. It felt like a tiny sick room, with bandages and other medical supplies filling shelves around the door to my left. Like they were prepared for a small war.
Collapsing back down, I sighed in relief. My heart accepted that I was safe, only to surge in excitement. Someone had saved me! PEOPLE!
I shot up and tried to get out of bed, but the sheets were tucked tightly, and pain lanced across me from the exertion. Right. Ribs moving funny, probably broken.
"I guess I'm not healed yet," I said, hissing as I lay back, "Ooooh. That smarts. Status!"
Shun Mi — Health 30/180
I whistled softly before cutting off shrilly, feeling a pain in my jaw. A line of pains mobbed my attention, like the store doors opening for a blockbuster sale. Whatever grace sleep had provided was now wiped from the table. I had just crashed into a mountain and only had a handful of HP left.
I had just closed my eyes when someone knocked on the door, then immediately pushed it open.
"Ay," A feminine voice said, "zipa cu."
PERSON!
I struggled to see better, but collapsed back.
"Huh," I rubbed my head, unable to look around without wincing, "What did you say?"
"Ah," the footsteps approached, "youa speaku Englishi?"
"Yes," I said, the woman rounding into my field of view, "I- uh…I…erm. Sorry you have to see me like this."
The woman bent to me, high cheekbones, spreading into a wide smile of kindness and a dose of mischief. Her…other measures…Well, I forced myself to stare at her pretty, pointed nose instead. Or her raven-black hair tied up in a bun. Her cheeks had a fashionable buccal, the type that's a bit too hollowed out. Overall, she looked like a supermodel. I shrank back, a little knot tying in apprehension.
Beautiful people were cruel.
But…
"Yeso?" The woman said, her crystal blue eyes sparkling with freely shared mirth.
The beauty faded behind her radiant kindness, and I managed to convince myself that she wasn't going to berate me
"Yes," I said, bravery flickering bright, "Thanks for saving me. You didn't have to."
The woman frowned, making me wince, and said, "I'ma Sorryu, myi Englishi isa notu soi goode."
English? I thought, How does she know English?
"Thank you," I repeated, probably louder and slower than needed. I averted my gaze nervously. She'd apologized. That was a good sign.
"Ahe," The woman clapped her hands, "thanko youi. 'Uverdash ti' iv Aterni."
"Okay," I said, looking her in the eyes.
She did not look like a beautiful woman to me. She felt like a grandmother. The type with a collection of inappropriate spoons and presents for every grandchild.
"'Uverdash ti'" She said slowly, motioning to me and pointing to my mouth, "'Uverdash ti' iv Aterni.' Thanko youi. Padmara jolinth uvaa, Shuna Miu."
Does she want me to say that? I thought. Is that 'thank you' in her language?And…did she say my name? It's so hard to tell.
"Uvordish ti," I said, "Uverdati- er-"
I flinched, hating how clumsy my mouth felt. But the reprimand never came.
"Uverdash ti," the woman said, "Uu-ver-daashi."
I looked her in the mouth and tried again.
"Uverdash ti," I said, freezing as I felt it come out right. I flicked up to her eyes, dreading her reaction.
She smiled, the type that went ear to ear and made unsightly lines around her eyes. The sight of imperfection…I needed that. I sighed.
"Yesu," the woman said, "Verya goode."
Ding!
"Excuse me," I said, "Status!"
I eyed her reaction to my Status screen. She could see it, but she simply raised her eyebrows and motioned for me to continue. The new skill was flashing, but when I opened it, a piece of paper materialized and dropped into my hands.
What's this? I thought, It's my grandfather's handwriting.
Dearest Shane,
I got all languages handed to me, and never had any trouble even back in the real world. I always wanted to learn a language, but everything I read or hear is in full Japanese. The world was open to me, but the process was not.
If you're reading this, then you must have learned at least two words in one of the languages of this world. Most likely from my friend Granny Doublefinger on the other side of Sharp Mountain. Good job making it that far. The forest is dangerous, although I doubt that I have to tell you that at this point. Don't stab random things like rocks or trees, they're sometimes alive. And don't go into caves. They're sometimes not caves. Er…good luck learning more languages. It won't be as easy next time.
Keep going and good luck.
Sincerely,
Grandpa
P.S. Give Granny Doublefinger my regards. She was nearly your grandmother, and one of my closest friends in that world.
P.P.S. In case it wasn't clear, I set the system up so that each language will get progressively harder to learn. I made Aterni ridiculously easy, as well as the texts on the farm for reading. Don't underestimate what it will take to learn the rest, especially since I have no idea how hard learning a language is in the first place.
I wiped away a tear, whether sentimental or frustrating, I didn't know. He could have at least told me about the rocks in his previous letter! Now, what was this about being able to speak the language? Was that 'ding' an auto-translate ability?
"Hey," I said, turning to the lady, "Can you understand me better now?"
The woman smiled and said, "Oh, that's fantastic. I'm glad your translator kicked in."
I sagged, tears forming in my eyes. Finally! Someone to talk to!!!
"Thanks," I said, wiping my eyes gingerly, "So I take it you're…um…Mrs. Doublefinger?"
"Oh no," The woman laughed, "you must be confused. Mrs. Doublefinger is my daughter. Call me Granny, or Granny Doublefinger."
Granny? I thought, she can't be over forty!
"Ah," I nodded, "Of course. Well then I-uh- Granny?"
"Yes?" She smiled sweetly, the picture of youth.
"You're Granny Doublefinger?" I said, "As in, you're a grandmother. Are you…an Elf?"
"Oh, no. I'm not an elf. I suppose my age doesn't really show." Granny fluttered her eyelids and smiled, "I'm afraid you're judging poorly, although it does flatter me. I have the most miraculous moisturizer, but I only really use it on my hands and face. See?"
Granny pulled back her loose sleeves to reveal the drooping skin of an old lady. Ugly. Peaceful. I relaxed.
"I don't really mind these dangling parts," Granny said, wiggling the extra skin dangling from her arm, "It was such a pain to moisturize everywhere. And my grandbabies love toying with them."
Granny cackled and flaunted, saying, "I maintain the figure of an angel through corsetry, I'm afraid. Although I must say, you maintained excellent peeper placement for such a young man. You are your grandfather's heir, that's for sure."
She pinched my cheek, and I blushed. Beautiful or not, I was still a man. Still, now that I knew she was an old woman, I was able to pick up the signs. How lonely had I been?
Granny hobbled to the counter as she said, "I promised I'd check in on the cabin. But it's all the way in the middle of the forest, and I don't have the heart to send my babies out there. Passage or no. I visited at the end of last winter, but there was always so much to do. Tell me, is the roof leaking again? The Shield is in working condition, right? Nothing burning down?"
So Grandpa did leave a caretaker, I thought. No wonder everything was in decent condition.
"I will admit fault," Granny said, opening a clear jar of leaves, "In fact, I would say it is quite a bit of guilt. I'm sorry."
"No, it's fine," I said reflexively, "I've only been there for a month after all."
"Thank goodness," Granny came back with a handful of leaves, "Well, I'm glad you were able to make it here. I heard that your arrival had quite the impact. My girls mistook you for a small and pink boulder in that field of shattered rubble."
"Thanks," I said, slapping my belly, then hissing as my ribs throbbed, "So they managed to bring me here to heal. Do you have any potions, or am I going to do this the long way?"
"Yes and no," Granny said, holding up a leaf, "Potions take months to create, and you're not dying enough for one. I have a couple in reserve, and one on the way. But we'll be using a simpler method today."
"Oh?" I looked at the leaves, "Are those healing herbs?"
"Yes, they are!" Granny grinned, rolling the leaves into a ball, "How clever of you. Have you used these before?"
I said, "No."
"Then open up," Granny said, holding the ball up to my mouth, "It will help."
I obeyed unthinkingly. Hopefully this would be quick and- wait why was she smiling like that-
Euurgh!
As soon as the leaves touched my tongue, I felt my mouth cave in and my eyes roll back in my head. Sour! Beyond sour!
"Now don't roll your eyes," Granny said, "You need to look at your wounds. It requires sight to direct it properly."
I tried to ask what she meant, but all that came out was "mmhnnnpu"
Granny slapped me on the back of the head and knocked my eyes back to the front so I could see. She took my bandaged arm and unwrapped it, exposing deep gashes nearly bleeding through the bandages. As I watched, the injuries disappeared, and the skin formed whole and pink.
"Good," Granny said, letting go of my arm, "Now look at the rest of yourself. You're terrible."
The leaves were getting less sour, and I flexed my fingers a few times before I complied, lifting the blanket to- oh. Okay. There was plenty for me to see and fix under there. I pulled the blanket close and shrank beneath it as I looked at her. Vulnerable.
"Oh, for goodness' sake," Granny said, turning away, "Don't worry about it. I'll leave. You just focus on getting better. And don't spit them out until you can't taste anymore."
She tottered out the door and I removed the neck brace. Rolling my neck a few times, I proceeded to do as thorough an investigation as I could. I could feel my ribs knit together, and I undid the splint around my leg to heal that. Then I focused on more topical issues. Bruising, etc.
I couldn't see my back without a mirror, but with my hump gone it was easier to see more of me. Now if only I could lose this fat…
As I continued to investigate, I felt at the small remnant of a bend in my spine. Was that really all that was left? I had been trapped by that for years, like a tree bent to the ground. What I had now might be called a slouch if my mother were looking at it. That potion really had healed me.
Maybe that's why everything feels smaller now, I thought, I actually got taller.
I said, "S-a-us."
The status menu opened and I raised my eyebrows. So it didn't need clear vocalization then? That was relieving. No 'Hey, Siri' crap here.
Shun Mi — Health 152/180
"Close enough," I said, spitting out the leaves onto a plate on the bedside table, "oh scurvy. My mouth feels like the pineapple challenge. Now, where are my clothes?"
There were a couple of knocks at the door, and I leapt into bed and pulled the blankets back up.
"Er… I'm decent!" I said. Granny came back in and smiled at me, and I pulled the blanket tighter. Something felt different-
"Hello," she said, "I'm Mrs. Doublefinger, Granny's daughter. You're looking a lot better than when we brought you in. Although, I don't think all the swelling has gone down."
"Thanks," I said, flinching and a bit ticked, "You know I'm just fat, right? Sorry. Mrs Double finger? Granny's Daughter?"
She had a similar look in her eyes, like Granny's kindness, but busier. Turned inward. Still, not as bad as her beauty would lead me to believe.
"One of them," Mrs. Doublefinger said, "I am the eldest, though. I'm the one with the grand children. My sister has one on the way, and my little brother is getting married soon."
"Oh," I said, lost for words. They were so alike, but now that I looked closer, I could see the plumpness of an older mother.
I reflexively said, "That's amazing. You look younger, but you're both so beautiful. You can't be a day over thirty."
There I go again, I thought, Empty words.
"You're sweet," Mrs. Doublefinger said, "You should have seen me when I was young. My oldest looks similar, so I guess you will. Anyway, your clothes were completely trashed. We have some extras that will work with your swelling."
"I'm not swollen," I said, "Just fat. But thank you, I accept them gratefully."
Mrs. Doublefinger left the clothes on the bed and politely left, and I tentatively got up and started slipping them on.
"Wow," I said, "First things first when I go back. I gotta get new clothes. But they're all dirty…laundry first, then. But the sink is leaking…"
These clothes itched in places modern technology had removed from our daily vocabulary. I tied and buckled everything in place, sliding into the shoes she brought as a capstone piece. My belly bulged slightly below the shirt, and I tugged it. Ah, well. My torn-up shirt wasn't any better.
"I look hideous," I said, looking at the valiant seams, "but it feels nice to be covered."
Still, I shied away as I opened the door. There would be more people here, and I hated making a first impression with my belly hanging out. Then again, they'd been the ones to carry my blighted form in. I'd scarred them for life before I ever met them.
A brief hallway outside the door was lined with the knick-knacks of an elderly and well-traveled woman. I followed the hall and emerged into a large room filled with tables, jars, and herbs drying from every available inch. Granny, or possibly Mrs. Double finger, was tending the fire in the corner while sitting on a wooden stool.
"Ah, you're awake," Granny said, "Perfect. The grandbabies found your spear, so we can get you home as soon as you'd like. I believe Bella was cleaning it for you."
Granny winked and put the ladle aside, "She's a real beauty, although…well, have patience with her. She can be a bit rude sometimes."
Fantastic, I groaned internally. I guess two out of three's not bad.