Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and DAN DA DAN.
Warning: Curse words. Sensitive language.
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The crying sound of cicadas reverberated throughout the neighborhood, signaling the twilight of the day. But Naruto was unbothered by it as he was treading down a dirt road with wireless earbuds in both his ears. Dirt road again; the blond was sensing a deja vu all of a sudden. Both of his hands were rested inside the pockets of his pants because he was a chill guy.
~ Don't you want me like I want you, baby?
Don't you need me like I need you now?
Sleep tomorrow, but tonight go crazy.
All you gotta do is just meet me at the ~
*Ping*
A notification sound from his phone interrupted the song. Naruto unlocked his phone and saw it was a text message. From his favorite person, no less. Naruto's grin widened. It read,
[Can you stay for dinner? I have something to discuss with you.]
The blond spun his body around before screaming excitedly, "APATEU! APATEU! APATEU! APATEU! APATEU! APATEU! Uh, uh-huh, uh-huh!"
He immediately stopped before straightening his button-up black shirt and dark orange dress pants, looking around to see if anyone had seen him. That was a bit overboard, he admitted. Naruto continued his walk and, in a few minutes, reached Seiko's home which had a Shinto shrine at the back and a Torii gate at the entrance. His excitement was spiking as he arrived at his destination. Most of the time, he would be booted out by Seiko after he finished restocking his talisman at her place. But today she deliberately asked him to stay longer? A gleeful laugh escaped his mouth. Alright alright alright.
Naruto's face fell flat as he stared blankly at three people in front of him. "Wait, let me get this straight." The blond raised his hands up and down, trying to calm his shit down. He came here initially hoping something special was going to happen judging by Seiko's request, but he did not expect this. His mood was definitely dampened, that was for sure. He was all for Momo to be involved in the paranormal, but this... this was a bit of a stretch.
"So, you have awoken your psychic power," Naruto pointed at Momo Ayase, the granddaughter of Seiko Ayase, before turning his head to a boy wearing glasses. "While you four-eye boy is cursed by that Turbo hag? The one who kept running her mouth about her speed?"
The four were sitting round the dinner table upon which were ingredients and utensils for hotpot. While the soup was cooking, Seiko was explaining to Naruto what had transpired in the Ayase household. From what he had heard so far, it sounded like he had missed two or three 20-minute episodes of an anime and now just been kept up to date by his otaku friend. Apparently, the two kids in front of him, Momo Ayase and Ken Takakura, made a bet with each other by each going to a UFO hotspot and a tunnel ghost spot respectively. And as fate had it, Momo was abducted by an alien species and accidentally unlocked her psychic ability. Meanwhile, the Takakura boy ran into Turbo Granny and got cursed by her, losing his male genitals as a result of that curse. What kind of sorcery was this? Sounded very random... and awesome!
Momo's psychic power sounds almost like Gaara's Magnet release, except perhaps more powerful and has more utilities. And the boy's curse, on the other hand, sounds insane... and a pain in the ass. Eishh~ that joke almost works.
Naruto continued his question, shamelessly making an obscene gesture. "And his wiener is no more?" When the two kids nodded their heads, Naruto guffawed before bursting into a full-blown laughter and falling off his chair. "Bloody hell! This is the first time I've heard someone lost their penis and balls due to a curse."
Ticked off by the blond's making fun of her friend, Momo flicked her middle finger at him. No one made fun of her friend, except herself. "Oi oi~ Whatcha' laughing at, old man?"
"Old man?! Why you little-!" Naruto blurted in anger as the two headbutted each other. "I'm not that old! I don't even look half a day past 30, 'ya hear!"
Seiko interjected, touching her glasses. "30 is old for 15-year-old kids."
The blond dropped his head in dejection. "Not you too, Seiko-chan." A dark cloud hovered above his head before lightning struck his hair. Momo blew her tongue at the depressed blond, further trampling on his dignity as a suave gentleman that he always shamelessly promoted. "I'll get you back later, shrimp!"
"I'm 162 cm tall now!"
Naruto faked a gasp, "Oh kami. Really? Did you shrink?"
This time, Seiko guffawed before covering her mouth while Okarun was looking away, but a ghost of a grin could still be seen. Momo gained a tick on her forehead, gritting her teeth before losing her self-control and lunging at the blond man. Taking advantage of the two dumbos arguing, Seiko picked up her chopsticks and started devouring all the meat in the hotpot. Okarun, on the other hand, played with his rice in his bowl amidst the chaos in front of him. "I don't have any appetite with my wiener gone."
"Then give me that." Seiko swiftly snatched away a piece of meat from Okarun's plate.
Five minutes and half of the meat gone later, everything went back to normal like nothing ever happened. Okarun had excused himself to the toilet, which forced Momo to follow him as well lest his curse acted up again. The two just could not separate from one another. Naruto was left with Seiko, enjoying their meal. With the kids away at the moment, the two elders could get into a more serious conversation.
"You want me to train him?" Naruto asked with a raised eyebrow. Seiko nodded, putting down her chopsticks. Seiko was always serious about anything related to her grandchild's safety even if it might be out of her reach. Naruto also put down his chopsticks, displaying his attention. However, he sucked his teeth while shaking his head, "I don't think the kid can handle my training."
"Whether he can or not, there's no options now. In order to defeat Turbo Granny and retrieve his genitals back, they have to lure Turbo Granny out of her territory first. And to do so without a hitch, they have to outrun her."
"..."
"You're very fast yourself, aren't you? Why don't you help him with that?" Still sensing the blond's hesitation, Seiko reached over to touch Naruto's hand. "With you supervising them, I'd feel more relieved."
Naruto's eyes twitched as he gulped at the physical touch. Seiko would rarely ever display vulnerability in front of anyone, especially those close to her. For her to ask for his help with such an important task, Naruto knew she trusted him wholeheartedly. He could never reject that. "Of course, Seiko-chan. I'll do my best."
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"This is the most embarrassing experience of my life." Okarun whimpered, covering his face as he was relieving himself in the toilet. After all, he wasn't alone. Momo was right across from him aiming her hand at him to suppress the curse.
"Not just you, Okarun. I'm also embarrassed! So can 'ya get it over quickly?"
"That's easier said than done, Ayase-san." Okarun tried his best to ignore his anxiety, so he decided to change the topic. "How long have you known Naruto-san, by the way?"
At the mention of the blond man, Momo's expression turned solemn. Ever since she could remember, he had always been around visiting her and granny. He cheered her up whenever she felt upset by doing childish things and acting silly with her. Momo had never known her parents, so in a way Seiko and Naruto were almost like de facto parents to her. "He's-"
Out of a sudden, an oppressive aura erupted as everything turned red inside the toilet. "I don't give a damn about your story, little brat."
Momo jerked up and saw the giant face of Turno Granny in place of Okarun. "Turbo Granny! What the hell are you doing to Okarun?"
"Don't assume that your little shrine could hold back my power. I can curse anyone that this brat sees to death! If you want to save him and your people, come to the tunnel tonight!"
"Well, well, well. Look who we have here."
Both Momo and Turbo Granny turned their attention to the voice. It was Naruto who was casually walking from behind, with his hands in his pockets. Momo could feel blood dripping down from her nose because of the evil spirit's aura, but the blond man looked perfectly fine.
"You...!"
"Remember me, little granny?"
"We had an agreement. This is none of your business. Stay out of it!"
"Ey ~ I can't do that. Bullying kids is unfair and unbecoming of you. So, why don't we challenge you to a game of tag? That sounds more noble for an elder like you, right?"
The old youkai growled. In fact, she did not fancy the idea of racing against that blond menace at all. When they met decades ago, he disappeared within a flash before she even began to move her muscles. If they had another race, she would definitely lose again.
"Don't you worry, granny. I'm not gonna race with you. The kids will." Noticing Turbo Granny's reluctance to take the deal, Naruto snorted with a condescending tone. He already knew the outcome if the two were to race, and he knew that she knew too. So, as generous and chivalrous as he was, Naruto was willing to throw out an olive branch. "If we win, you'll give the boy his genitals back. If you win, you can do whatever you want with him."
Biting at the chance, Turbo Granny accepted the deal. "Fine! What's the rule?"
Naruto shrugged his shoulders with a cheeky smile, "Not much. One, considering these guys are still kids wet behind the ears and you their elders, why don't ya give them a 10-minute head start? And two, no cheating with cheap tricks like using other spirits to block them off their course. If I find out that you cheated, I will intercept. And you know what happens when I intercept."
The expression on Turbo Granny's projection turned sour at the blond's warning. The evil spirit contemplated for a few seconds before accepting. "Meet me at the tunnel tonight. We'll play your game there."
"The next three days."
The two calamities were locked in a stare down before the tunnel-dwelling youkai forcibly conceded, "Fine."
Naruto threw a mock salute, "Lord Orange sends his regard."
Meanwhile, Momo was surprised and in awe of her granny's friend's sudden bout of seriousness and calm. He had always liked making jokes and messing around with her, but this time Momo felt she could trust him with her life. His words made her feel safe and believe that he would come to save her if her life was truly in danger. It was so good until he said that last sentence. "Uwark! Saiteiii~ ! (Yuck!)"
The blond man was unbothered, still closing his eyes acting like he was a badass with thousands of seasoned soldiers behind him waiting for his command. When Turbo Granny's projection disappeared, everything went back to normal. Okarun also reappeared in the toilet, having a nosebleed of his own and looking confused and sleepy. Seiko rushed over from the dining room; there was a stream of blood trailing down her nose as well. Wiping the blood off her nose, she asked, "What happened?"
"Turbo Granny threatened Momo to go to the tunnel by tonight. I negotiated for a game of tag to take place in the next three days." Naruto answered.
"So, she took the bait?"
"Totally."
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The evening of the next day couldn't have come sooner. As soon as Momo and Okarun returned from their school, they were standing outside in the clearing waiting to start their training.
"Alright kiddo. Since we know that our timeline to defeat Turbo Granny has been shortened to just three days, we'll have to focus on planning our route to get out of Shono City as fast as possible." Seiko announced. "But that doesn't mean we'll neglect the training. So, for now Naruto will help Okarun with his running while Momo, you'll be with me."
After Seiko finished speaking, Naruto swiftly grabbed Okarun's shoulders and dragged the boy toward the middle of the clearing. "Let's go, four-eye. We got some running to do."
As the two male members of the group were walking away, Okarun noticed a black rod in Naruto's hand. "What's that, Naruto-san?"
"Oh this?" Naruto raised the rod in his hand before lightly bonking it on the boy's head. "This will help you stay focused. Now let's go! Move move move!"
The grandma-granddaughter duo looked at the retreating figures of Naruto and Okarun with different expressions on their face. Seiko continued smoking nonchalantly while Momo stared worriedly as the glass-wearing boy was jumping up and down doing burpees.
"Worried about your boy toy?" Seiko asked.
Showing a rare display of concern and quietness, Momo nodded, "Is it gonna be enough to beat Turbo Granny?"
"Probably not." When her granddaughter was about to retort, Seiko continued, "Don't worry. In any case that you fail, Naruto will come in and save you guys. He's incredibly strong. Like dead-ass strong."
Momo pursed her lips. "Then why not just let him deal with Turbo Granny?"
"There are some things that you have to deal with by yourself. We can't be with you all the time, Momo." Seiko put away her cigarette before popping her hip joints. "Plus, technically it's your problem. Not ours."
"You old hag!"
"You're the one who insists on helping him. You coulda left him in the main shrine and live your life as normal." Seiko shrugged her shoulders before nudging Momo's head. The girl tried to swat her hand away. "So now that you've squeezed yourself into his life, you need to up your level of control over your psychic ability to fulfil that promise. You're still relying on your sight for your power to work. Close your eyes and try to use your other senses instead. That's your homework for tonight."
Momo looked at her hands, contemplating how to accomplish that, while Seiko retreated inside without giving any more instructions, probably to catch up on her favorite Idiot Shogun show. So much for training me.
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Back in the clearing, Naruto summoned a cap and a whistle out of nowhere. Okarun was caught off guard, but he was stopped from thinking more on that when the blond man screamed at him, "Attention!"
The glass-wearing boy stood up straight like a ruler. Naruto nodded in approval. "Are you any good with theories, brat?"
Okarun saluted, "I'd like to believe so, sir!"
"Good. We're not doing anything of that." Okarun almost faceplanted. Learning about aerodynamics was important and all, but with just two days to spend, they did not have enough time to do that. The boy needed to work his body up for running because he was going to run the heck out of it. He was going to run like never before. To do that, the boy needed practical experience. He needed to get a taste of what it felt like to run for his life. And Naruto knew just what should be done. "Go on. Run 10 laps around the area."
"O-okay." Okarun started to move his legs and eased into a jog. As he got halfway to the other side of the field, a rock whizzed past him right by his head. The boy shrieked in fright as he leaned forward in reaction to dodge. "What the heck, Naruto-san?!" By the speed of it, Naruto must have thrown that rock so hard as if he was pitching against Shohei Ohtani.
"You want to have a chance at winning the game of tag. So, I'm training you in the best way possible." Naruto replied in a matter-of-fact manner. "Dodge!"
For the next few minutes, Okarun was screaming while seriously running away for his life from showers of bullet-speed rocks thrown by the blond mad man who kept taunting him from afar, "Pick your speed, four-eye! Or Turbo Granny will catch you and eat you and your girlfriend alive!"
Right at that moment, Okarun's appearance changed as his hair burst into an unruly bundle of white and a mask with neat rows of teeth appeared on his face. The transformed Okarun skidded across the ground, hunching over with his head shaking uncontrollably. "Naruto-san! The curSE is aCTinG uP AGaiN!"
"Ah shit I forgot, it only works for a few minutes." Naruto yelled as soon as he saw Turbo Granny's curse reawaken. The blond could suppress the curse by bonking the boy on the head with his Truth-Seeking rod. But the effect only lasted for a few minutes at most. What a pain. "Momo! Come over here and do your voodoo on this brat again."
The young Ayase, who was on her own practicing her psychic ability to grab rocks without opening her eyes, groaned and murmured in annoyance as she walked toward the two. "Annoying grandma. Annoying old man. Annoying curse."
Okarun returned to normal when Momo arrived and pointed her palms at him. The boy sighed in relief, "Thank you, Ayase-san."
"Wait a minute. I have an idea. Brats! Come back here!" Naruto blurted as his lips slowly spread into a grin. Ayase did not like the look on his face. "Momo, get on his back."
Momo was about to refuse, but Okarun quickly knelt on one knee. So, she sighed, looping her arms around his neck and jumping on his back. "What now?"
"Go on. Run 10 laps around the area."
Okarun whimpered, standing on shaky legs. He knew exactly what that meant. The memory was still so fresh. "Oh man. Not again."
"Huh?" None the wiser, the young Ayase tilted her head. The glass-wearing boy immediately took off. Momo was forced to tighten her grip around his neck.
"Dodge!"
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With that, their two days of hell officially began.
"Alright, here we are." Naruto exclaimed as Momo, Okarun and him arrived at Turbo Granny's tunnel. The eerie atmosphere was exactly the same as when Okarun first came here. Gentle wind blowing, leaves rustling, and the complete darkness from inside the tunnel.
Naruto walked forward, summoned his trustworthy Truth-Seeking rod and banged it against the rusted metal blockade. "We're here, Turbo Granny!"
A few minutes went by in silence. "Oi ~" Naruto struck the blockade a couple more times.
Then the thudding sound of wooden sandals started echoing from deep inside the tunnel. The old youkai finally made her appearance.
"Alright, about damn time." Naruto casually placed his rod on his shoulders. "Let's get the game started, shall we? If I remember correctly, we agree that we'll get a 10-minute head start, yeah?"
With a subtle nod of acknowledgement from Turbo Granny, Okarun and Momo got into their position. After Okarun transformed into his controlled form of the curse power, Momo jumped onto his back. The transformed Okarun's eyes drooped in depression. "Man, what a drag. I wanna go home instead."
"Shut up. Be serious, idiot." Momo scolded Okarun.
Without further words of pleasantry, Naruto raised his hand, acting as the referee of the match. "And... start!"
The transformed Okarun took off with Momo toward the inner of Shono City. Turbo Granny began counting down the time aloud, all the while throwing sideway glances at the standing blond man. When she tried to sneakily move her legs, the black rod in his hand elongated into a staff. He then struck the staff into the ground, shaking the earth and creating a powerful pulse that burst outward like a ripple. Turbo Granny froze in her place and abandoned her thought of cheating. "Time's not over yet, granny."
Her cheeks tightened as she gritted her teeth in anger. However, she could do nothing but put up with the humiliation. When the 10 minutes was over, Turbo Granny shot off like a rocket, leaving a small pit of broken earth where she stood. Gliding through the air beside her to her left was Naruto. "What are you doing, you blondie fuck?!"
"Ooh. Watch your language, granny." Naruto shook his head while matching her speed with ease. "I'm just following you to make sure that you're not cheating."
Growling, Turbo Granny swiped her left claws at him, but Naruto dodged with a slight movement of his head. "Eh eh. Keep your hand to yourself."
Ignoring the annoying blond menace, the old evil spirit picked up her speed. In contrast, Naruto immediately skidded across the ground to stop his momentum. He narrowed his eyes as the ground once again shook before a giant spirit crab stumbled out of the tunnel. "Oh, you slimy old bitch."
Turbo Granny had called upon the tunnel-bound spirit to aid her in distracting the blond while she went to hunt down the running Momo and Okarun. Naruto knew the old spirit would commit such an underhanded foul. With the Truth-Seeking staff in hand, Naruto dashed off toward the incoming giant crab spirit. In a blink, his body turned ethereal yellow with dark spheres on his belly and shoulders from which dark lines spread down along his legs and arms respectively. Time seemed to slow down as he appeared on top of the crab youkai. He then swung his staff down on the youkai, slamming it deep into the ground. Naruto levitated in the air, looking down at the thrashing giant crab with a softened expression. He slowly descended and stood atop the shell.
The last living ninja knew of Turbo Granny's connection with the location-bound spirit. Seiko had told him the story behind it. The spirits of girls who were dragged to and murdered inside the tunnel had lingered and wandered around the area after not being able to enter the afterlife. Due to their tragic endings, those spirits merged and became a vengeful youkai that were bound to the tunnel and harmed any human who dared enter its abode. In a show of sympathy, Turbo Granny had come to the tunnel to console those spirits. With such a heartbreaking story, Naruto felt reluctant to hurt the pitiful souls of those girls any more than necessary. However, the talisman from Seiko could not function outside of Kamigoe City. So, Naruto was left with the only option to exorcise the youkai, which was by destroying it with his Truth-Seeking staff.
With the will of his mind, the black staff morphed into a great lance with an extremely sharp edge. Naruto clasped his palms and said a few prayers for the poor souls, "May everyone rest in peace and be born into better lives. May your next lives not end with the same fate." The black lance pierced the spirit crab's head in great swiftness. The youkai disintegrated, revealing several souls of the girl victims floating in light blue bubbles before vanishing into thin air. Naruto gave a small bow as a final show of respect for the deceased.
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"Faster, Okarun! She's catching up!" Momo yelled from Okarun's back. The duo had been hauling their asses for minutes now. Their destination was the railway to Kamigoe City. Thanks to the 10-minute head start, they managed to reach the inner city of Shono, which was basically halfway to their finish line now. They had alternated between Okarun turning on his Turbo Granny form and Momo swinging from buildings to buildings like they had practiced for the past two days. Because the cursed boy could not hold the form for too long, they had to conserve his energy. With her improved control over her psychic power, Momo could slingshot them with her psychokinetic arms.
Just as they were making good progress, Turbo Granny was catching up with them. Momo could see the old youkai's silhouette from afar, made visible by the red palette of her aura flaring up as she burst through the air. Like her namesake, the youkai bulldozed through anything that was in her way, knocking away the cars and such on like mere toys. The normal humans on the road had no idea what had hit them, not being able to see paranormal phenomena.
"Momo-chan, we have a problem." Okarun called out. Momo regained her focus, looking back to the front. "We might have to deviate from our route."
It seemed like so since the road ahead was blocked off by a crowd of people. As Momo squinted her eyes, those sea of people were in fact running toward them at inhuman speed. "What the?!"
"You're not leaving Shono City, brats! I know you were luring me out, but I've called upon the spirits from the giant cemetery at the edge of the city. They'll catch you for me!" Turbo Granny screeched from behind them.
Momo growled in frustration. Unfortunately, their trouble did not end there as Okarun began to groan. "Momo-chan. I can't make the turn. We're going too fast."
Going straight would lead them to the train station, but it seemed they had no choice but to turn right instead due to the blockade of those spirits. However, Okarun was running too fast, with the added load of Momo's weight, for him to suddenly make the curve and change direction.
"Go on ahead, four-eye! I'll pave the way for you."
Momo looked up at the voice and saw Naruto levitating above them. His appearance had also changed into something she had never seen from him before. Awe and relief filled her heart at the sight of the blond. They had been holding out on their own for a while, but they were now at wit's end. He came at the right time.
"Why won't you die, you blondie fuck!" Turbo Granny screeched at the blond who kept ruining her plan time and time again.
"You've broken the rule, granny. Have you no shame?" Naruto taunted. With incredible athleticism, Naruto threw his Truth-Seeking lance at the sea of spirit possessed people. The lance whizzed through and blasted them away like Moses parted the Red Sea, creating a path for Okarun to run. The blond then dove into the disarrayed crowd of possessed people, summoned another Truth-Seeking rod in his hand, and began his work disabling them.
In a fit of anger, Turbo Granny morphed into her archaic form of elongated nose, giant yellow ringed eyes, and hunched over body to point that she was running with four limbs on the ground. Her speed became much faster as she was getting closer and closer to the running duo.
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"Come on. Almost there." Momo bit her lips anxiously, hanging onto Okarun's back. She could see the railway now. "Oh no. The train's not here yet." Their plan was to hitch a ride on a train enroute to Kamigoe City where her granny had set up a trap there right by the border of Kamigoe-Shono. Once they managed to lure Turbo Granny to cross the border, the trap would spring up and exorcise the youkai. Now that a huge variable in their plan had been compromised, they needed to improvise.
Forced to quickly think on her feet, Momo materialized her psychic arms to grab onto the railway as they arrived under it. Using their momentum, Momo swung from underneath the railway and soared upward in an arc into the air. With a tug by her psychic arms, the running duo dove through freefall and dropped back down onto the railway.
"I'm on my last leg, Momo-chan." The transformed Okarun alerted in heavy breath. He felt his body was going to rip apart, not being able to handle the toll that Turbo Granny's power took on his body for much longer.
"Hang on a bit more, Okarun. Just one more burst of speed." Momo pleaded, her eyes following the oncoming form of Turbo Granny. "On my call."
Okarun grimaced in pain yet braced his leg muscle for one last throttle. Momo waited with bated breath as Turbo Granny was getting closer and closer. "Steady." As soon as the old youkai kicked off the asphalt road and jumped at them, Momo yelled out her cue, "GO!"
With a twitch of his muscle, Okarun restarted his run, piercing through the air along the railway. However, within just a few paces, his cursed form disappeared. He stumbled in his steps and fell flat onto his face, causing both of them to grunt in pain and shock. "You untransformed? How?" Momo blurted.
"I'm not sure, Ayase-san..." Okarun replied, barely able to speak due to exhaustion before spitting blood.
"Okarun!"
"Looks like your body can't handle my power anymore. Don't be so arrogant, fools." Turbo Granny chuckled with her grated annoying voice, walking toward them condescendingly. "You wanna another race, brats? Should I give you a 10-minute head start again? Maybe 20?"
Momo gritted her teeth. "You cheating old hag."
"But you weren't obstructed, were you?"
"If it weren't for Naruto, we would have been!"
"You're dead meat now, and you still have time to find an excuse, little brat. It's over now. I win."
Suddenly, the sound of a bullet train could be heard in the distance before becoming louder and louder signaling its fast arrival. Momo grinned cheekily as if the table had been turned. "Not yet." The girl pointed her left hand at Turbo Granny. In a flash, her left psychic arm soared toward the youkai before she could react, pushing back and pinning the youkai against the head of the bullet train. Meanwhile, Momo raised her right hand up, projecting her right psychic arm to grab the cable above before pulling herself and the exhausted Okarun over the train. As they safely landed atop, Momo tightened her restraint over Turbo Granny with both hands. "Looks like I'm the one who wins, Turbo Granny."
Thrashing against the bindings, the old youkai shrieked in anger. "You little bitch!"
"Give back Okarun's wiener!"
"Never!"
"You're running out of time, Granny. Once we cross into Kamigoe City, you'll be burned to a crisp."
From afar, a pole that ran over the bullet train was covered to the brim with exorcising talismans, planted by Seiko Ayase who was standing nonchalantly on the side of the railway at the border between Kamigoe and Shono City. Seeing her impending doom, Turbo Granny struggled more intensely against Momo's psychic arms. It took every inch of focus out of Momo to strengthen her holding. "Even if I die, he still won't get his balls back!"
In one last desperate attempt, Turbo Granny reverted to her spiritual form to slip out of the bindings and dove at the unmoving body of Okarun. However, just as the youkai got one hand inside his body, the bullet train sped past the talisman pole. In a blink, the ethereal form of Turbo Granny turned into dust.
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"Has anyone ever told you that you're hot, Seiko?"
"Has anyone ever told you that you're a simp, Naruto."
"But I'm telling the truth."
"Go fuck yourself."
"Only if you're joining too."
*Bonk!* Seiko smacked the blond on the head with her baseball bat.
"Love you too, Seiko-chan." Naruto nursed his bulging head. Despite her coarse speech and seeming disgust at the blond's words, there was a ghost of a smile on Seiko's face. She was donning her spiritual medium robe that she called battle armor against evil spirits. The flower-decorated headdress and her low ponytail made her look quite elegant and enchanting. Although she had never disliked her shrine maiden's attire, hearing Naruto's compliments always made her feel significantly better. "Although you could do away with the cigarettes."
*Bonk!*
"Hey!"
"You wanna say that again, you son of a gun?"
"I won't if you just STOP HITTING ME!" Naruto uttered before immediately raising his arm to block the incoming bat in Seiko's hand.
Meanwhile, Momo slumped down onto the ground at the train station's waiting platform with a tired look in her eyes while Okarun was also laying still on the floor, his body too sore to move even a muscle. With the exhaustion from all the running and overusing her psychic ability, she had no more energy to deal with the two adults' passive-aggressive flirting. "Ugh, get a room, you two fossils."
"Hey! Show some respect, you brat!" Naruto blurted, pointing accusingly at the teenage girl.
"By the way, what was that move, Naruto-san? Wouldn't it hurt those people even if they were possessed?" Okarun asked, lifting just his head to look at his trainer.
"Oh you mean the lance throw?" Naruto casually showed off the muscle of his right arm, "Eh~ if they die, they die."
*Bonk!*
"Jesus! I'm just kidding! I made sure to not hit them too hard, just enough to knock those spirits out of their bodies. A few days to sleep it off, and they'll be fine."
With everything done and over, the four adults and kids prepared to leave for their home. At least, Seiko and Naruto did as the two kids were still lying on the ground. The blond then heaved the duo up on his shoulders like sacks of rice. "Alright, let's go home! What do we have for dinner tonight, Seiko-chan?"
"Barbecue."
"Whoo-hoo! You're the best!"
"Ow, my ears. Can 'ya lower your voice, old man?"
"Shut it, brat. By the way, have you got your balls back, Okarun?"
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