After a while of walking through the dungeon, I start to lose hope of finding a way out, and suddenly I find myself gasping to breath…feeling terribly out of breath. It came on so suddenly, like the oxygen in the air had sharply thinned.
Whether it was my asthma kicking in, something mental, or an actual change in the air composition, I don't know...
"Damn it... I'm such an idiot, rushing in here like some knight in shining armor…to save some fucking cows." I curse at myself softly.
Coming to a fork in the road, lookin at the different paths one that slopes upwards-or seems to, and one that slopes downwards… "What is that saying go down to go up…or up to go down?" I wonder as I stare down the pathways for a few moments… "Fuck it, Upwards and Onwards." I mutter to myself and after some time walking, I hear a cheerful ding! sound and stop dead in my tracks.
"Whoa?!" I gasp in shock as there is both a burning sensation on the underside of my forearm just below my wrist, and letters are burning in the air right in front of me, just floating there in the air.
"Ah...great…a status screen thing." I mutter as I'm not unfamiliar with this trope.
Level 0
HP 100% MP 100%
Physicality: 27
Magika: 13
"Well at least it's simple…" I mutter at seeing my stats, "Eh...level zero…my body seems pretty decent…my defense is a bit light…how do I even have a magic stat though?" I express my wonder, and feel that it's kind of exciting to get to actually see one of these in real life.
'How did a Dungeon destroy my barn?' I jokingly ask in my head in response to my question about the magic stat, I stop looking at my stats and continue walking along coming to another fork, not finding that either path had a pick me I'm the exit sign hung over them and since they look pretty much identical I decide to take the left path over the right.
"I'm a little surprised that I haven't come across any monsters yet, or been killed by some sort of trap..." I mutter as I was starting to think that maybe all that media we've made about dungeons being filled
with magical creatures or creatures from other worlds are false fantasies.
'Or maybe I've just been incredibly lucky not to have encountered any monsters so far, but the fact that this dungeon is still new could also have something to do with it…but I'll take a stroll in some dark caves over an adventure set on Brutal difficulty without save points and only one life.' I continue to talk to myself in my head while coming to another fork in the road and another and another and I follow the left-hand rule.
Suddenly as I'm advancing through the now claustrophobia-inducing tunnel, I hear a high-pitched scream…that could only belong to a girl coming from dead ahead.
"Waaaah! I'm sorry! I'm not delicious at all! I know I'm a bite-sized short-stacked babe, but I really won't taste very nice!!!"
'Huh?! there's someone else down here…who the hell talks about themselves like that?!' I wonder at hearing the panicking screams of a girl who's a little too full of herself and uppity.
"Ahh, fuck it!" I curse as I move my shotgun from my shoulder to my hand and use the charge handle to load a slug as I run towards where the screaming is coming from.
Seeing the flickering orange light of flames coming from down the path, I shut off my flashlight the closer I got towards the source of the screaming and the light, I burst from the tunnel into a large clear open area.
My mouth drops open slightly as I gape at the sight in front of me…which is that of probably the most recognizable monsters ever…and there are three of them…three goblins in the middle of the room, sitting around a campfire…and, as for the screaming...it is coming from an individual who is bound to a thin stick, being used as roasting stick..
"What the fuck!" I breathe out, as right before my eyes...I see Tinkerbell… 'Wait, Tinkerbell is blonde…and slim with tiny tits, this chick is an hourglass figure with big tits and a nice round bubble butt…with long flowing wavy red-hair and green eyes.
"Waaaah! Ah! You there! Hey! You!!! Save me, pleaaaase!!!"
"...Huh?" I express unintelligently as I stare at her large yet tiny tits.
"G... Gob? Gogob?"
"Gob?"
The goblins say snapping me out of my perverted admiration of the fairy girl, as they notice my intrusion thanks to the boisterous bite sized babe…the three goblins turn to one another and begin speaking to one another in a series of clicks, growls…and demented laughter…
'I guess they're having a conversation…on how to cook me?' I joke in my mind and as I can't understand them…and the bound-up, perfectly bite-sized fairy about to be roasted over a fire cries out again, asking me for help.
"You there! Help me!!! I'm going to be turned into roast fairy at this rate!"
"Hold on, why should I help you…this could all be an elaborate trap…to trap and eat me you Faerie are tricky beasties…" I reply back to her while aiming at the goblin on the right as the goblins slowly get to their feet and pick up their long spears made out of sharpened sticks from the floor.
These goblins aren't your run of the mill cannon fodder like they are in most media, they're shorter than me, but are about four feet tall…and green-skinned bodies are like that of a bodybuilder, an image that one would usually associate with fantasy dwarves, except their ears were also far bigger than a human's, sprouting like wings from the sides of their faces.
'Ahh, shit…even if I don't help this fae, that is probably in actual trouble…and not just bait…I can't exactly just run away either…as I'd be exposing my back.' I sigh in my head as it isn't like I'm having another heroic urge to save a fairy...
"Fuck me, I'll have to save her from being eaten…there's a chance that she could give me some chance, however small, of actually surviving this dungeon." I mutter as I take in a deep breath hold and fire making the head of the goblin on the right explode into gore and blood, the other two look to their fallen comrade and look to my gun…firing a gun in an enclosed space like this is deafening and my ears are ringing taking advantage of the two creatures stunned states i fire off too more shots killing them off.
'Welp, that disproves a lot of information gained from light novels about modern firearms not working on dungeon monsters…at least Goblin's anyways.' I mutter…and can barely hear my own voice in my head over the ringing in my ears as I turn on my flashlight and start performing a thorough inspection of the cavern and managing to find some nuggets of gold which I stash in me jeans pockets…before making my way over the fairy girl who I am just regaining the ability to hear.