"Lukehiem, Lukehiem. Luke are you listening." Mr. Janeb's soft, gentle voice called out to me. "Yes, I'm listening Mr Janeb, from the very beginning." The switch from listening through the veil to my dull human ears was always disorienting and delayed my response a little. "Oh good, I wasn't sure if you were. Your eyes they... nevermind." He faltered at the end, stole a quick glance at me before going over the report again a bit nervously.
I've been in this office for 6 minutes now. It was a fairly large space and it's monochrome pallette portrayed neatness will also conveying warmth. I'd already gone through the whole office, my senses spread all around but I still let my eyes wander, filling the mental map with colors, shadow and light. "Lukehiem I've gone through your report. It's impressive all around." His voice drew me in once more, forcing me to refocus my gaze on him. The consultion would progress much faster, if he felt he had my individed attention.
"Your academics are phenomenal, nearly perfect scores in all your courses both basic and a.p. It wouldn't be an understatement to say you're the most brilliant academiac this school has ever seen." His voice resonated pride and warmth then his face fell a bit. "But that's about it. You've shown no development in extracurricular or social activities, apart from your robotics club that is." He sounded sad for me, it's amazing how much empathy the man had. That must be the reason he was the guidance counselor.
Did I have to sit through an hour of being berated for not being very sociable. This exercise was unproductive but also compulsory. The school had a policy, you needed to have a minimum of 3 counseling sessions each year. Failure to comply could adversely affect your grades and be a violation of school policy. Mr Janeb was the guidance counselor that most people came to. He wasn't the only one, but he maintained the role full time unlike the others.
"Let's start over, shall we?" He glanced down at my records once more and started writing something down on a piece of paper. "So Lukehiem have you developed any new interests, anything that caught your eye after your last session." I contemplated for a bit, remembering the last counselling session I had a few months back and considering if I had any new hobbies or hyperfixations since then. "Yes I have." He looked hopeful at the revelation, "Go ahead, you can tell me if you are comfortable sharing."
"I've found stalking to be quite the interesting hobby lately. In fact I've gotten fairly good at it." I spoke with sincerity but the gesture was not appreciated. His brows fell and his smile lost some of its warmth. "Oh.. ah well.. umm sure. If it makes you happy. You wouldn't mind explaining would you." I gave a long stare that conveyed the sentiment well enough. "Sure, mo..moving on." He continued to scribble away on his report cross-referencing with my previous records. "
"What about sports, have you found any that interest you. Engaging in physical activities provides a great outlet for stress." No not really, I understood the appeal but I hadn't gotten to it yet. I did have plans to improve my physical endurance down the line. "I'm good at card games and I have dabbled in several board games." I was very proud in this particular endeavor. I had honed my skills in several card games and I was confident in them.
"That doesn't really count. Anything more physically engaging, something you can play with a team." He brushed aside my game skills like they were worth nothing. I felt particularly proud of this achievement, but he did have a point, the fact that I never won against Tobias was proof that I had room to improve. "Unfortunately I'm not particularly athletic, I prefer activities that don't require me to move around much."
I didn't play many sports, I tried tennis once. Although my abilities allowed me to precisely sense the ball's location in space and accurately calculate it's trajectory, I mattered little if I wasn't skilled at hitting it. That was years back though, perhaps I would fare better now that I had grown.
"*Sigh* Lukehiem you're not giving me much to work with. Your social skills are lacking and your refusal to interact with other people is a cause for concern. This will seriously affect you in the future. We all need someone Lukehiem, someone to share with, to rely on. Currently you have no one, no friends." He was a bit irked at the end of his rant.
"That not true I have a friend(s)." I'm not sure if Rebecca counted as a friend, we didn't have many memorable interactions. But since she and Tobias were now a package deal, it counted for something. "Ahh yes my mistake, you do have a friend, let's see.." he glanced at my records briefly "Tobias Redwith, correct. But Lukehiem that isn't enough, though I suppose having just one person is better that having none at all."
I itched to argue and debunk his statement, but the more I thought about it the less motivated I felt to do so. There was no point, he wasn't completely wrong, but he wasn't completely right in his assessment either. I made enough connections outside these walls, Mrs Alba, her husband and the regulars at the cafe; my loved ones at the orphanage, both past and present; the ever spiteful Mr Milton at the library and many others.
"Well you still have a year left, so there will be plenty of opportunities to socialize." He scribbled away on the paper, pausing briefly between sentences. "In fact such opportunities are coming sooner than you might expect. If I remember correctly your grade is going for it's annual wilderness excursion in a week or two." 'What? It's much sooner than I expected.' though I suppose it wasn't that strange.
The event usually happened at the beginning of winter, roughly at the 2nd week of December. Moving it a few weeks back was plausible. Autumn this year felt much colder, perhaps they pushed it back to avoid dealing with the weather. "I'm not sure which location the school is using this year. Nevertheless, I expect a lot from you. Use this opportunity to talk to people, understand them. I'm sure you'll gain some form of enlightenment from the experience." He sounded so hopeful, so sure of himself. "I understand Mr Janeb. I do hope you are right."
He looked me over, a bit doubtful if I truly understood. To be fair I made no promises, I only claimed to understand. Whatever form my understanding took was up to me. "Hmm.. this would be the part where I go over your grades and tell you how to improve on them. But there's not much no can comment on in that regard." He spent the rest of the session informing me on the various colleges I could apply to. He particularly emphasized ivy leagues and passed me fliers about various college programs and scholarships.
"That will be all for now Lukehiem, I hope to see improvement in our next session together." I was glad this was over, though I appreciated the effort he put into this. His words were sincere, I would know, I lived with two of them. People like them amazed me. I believed it had limits, no one could sacrifice themselves completely for absolutely nothing in return. I gave the office one last once over before I headed for the door.
"Oh and Luke." Mr Janeb called out to me just as I was about to open the door. "Yes sir?" "Remember, don't be afraid to change. Change can be good or bad, but no matter what never be afraid to face it. Regardless of the result, own up to it, live through it, add it to your annals. So change as many times as possible, live through the variants of yourself, that is how you complete yourself." His smile at the end shook me. I smiled back, "I understand Mr Janeb." I heard his laughter echo as I left the office. Again I offered no promises, but I pondered his words for a long time.
'Change?! Another topic my inexperience failed to account for.' What did it matter, the whole point of being young was the time I had to experience new things, to change.
***
A week later the venues for the class excursion were decided. Yes venues, the school had gone out of it's way to pick two this year. Everyone was made to pick lots, the venues we were assigned to were randomly decided. The students designated to supervise the selection made a big deal out of it. They used the whole of first period going class to class. To my disbelief the teachers didn't mind forfeiting there classes. I couldn't blame them, most people would take the opportunity to slack off for a bit.