Zara's eyes widen, her expression laced with blatant emotion for the first time. After a moment of stunned silence, her eyes flicker with a touch of incredulity.
"You joining me...in wolf-kin territory? What about Eden?" (Zara)
Alara nods resolutely, letting go of Zara and stepping back slightly to convey the resolve in her expression better.
"It can work without affecting Eden...much. I'm just asking for you to let me visit on a regular basis; split my time between the two. Mizuki will teleport me when I ask, and Eden doesn't require constant attention from me, specifically. Someone else can manage its lesser concerns while I'm away." (Alara)
She knows that she's signing up for a hell of a lot of headache on what almost feels like a whim, but...she thinks it's manageable, and it's the only way she can think of to really, truly fix things with Zara. To challenge herself to change.
Zara stares at her for several seconds in silence, eyes full of disbelief. Eventually, Zara's expression softens slightly, but her tone still carries a hint of skepticism.
"Do you realize what you're signing up for? Ignoring the strain on your time, you may find interacting with my people...challenging. The small groups of charitable elves that have come once per generation or two in the past have garnered some goodwill, and my people will follow my orders to a point, but those things only hold so much weight in how they'll interact with you. In wolf-kin culture, respect is earned, not owed.
"All they'll see is an outsider who says she knows what's best for them but doesn't get her hands dirty or involve herself directly – hunting with them, scouting with them, fighting with them, feasting with them, drinking with them – trying to fit in with them. It's also possible they'll view Mizuki personally teleporting you back and forth for just hours-long visits as you feeling entitled to frivolously wasting the time of someone they consider a god.
"My point is...the wolf-kin are unlikely to treat you the way you're used to just because they're told about your status. They may not even want to take the time to listen to what you consider giving helpful guidance. At best, they'd try and treat you like one of them as a sign of respectful inclusion, and I doubt you're mentally prepared for wolf-kin camaraderie." (Zara)
Alara blinks, the weight of Zara's words sinking in.
Truthfully, while she imagined that her time with the wolf-kin would be difficult for her, it wasn't in the way Zara is describing. She was preparing for things like talking to them without a bossy or condescending tone, having to repeatedly explain simple concepts to them with a patient facade, not being rude about their smell or strange habits, etc. However, she just imagined eventually winning them over and impressing Zara by making the wolf-kin realize how useful her expertise are, and by remaining cordial and magnanimous over numerous visits worth of interactions with them.
The idea that they might talk down to her, that they might not tolerate her, that she might have to work for their approval...it never occurred to her. Who without a death wish has ever expected such a thing of her, a Princess of the elves? Even Mizuki – a legendary Nephilim in practicality if not actuality – has been polite and accommodating for most of their relationship.
As the reality of what it might entail to truly form a good relationship with Zara's people sinks in, Alara's pride recoils in disgust at the idea, and her resolve starts to waver. However, at that moment she also notices the knowing, almost resigned look in Zara's eyes as they study her expectantly. For once, Zara's thoughts are all too clear to her, and shame washes over her.
'She knows that I didn't think it through properly...how I feel about what she's describing. She hasn't yet believed for a second that I'll actually do what I say.'
She can't even refute Zara's sentiments, and that only deepens her shame. At the same time, she realizes just how alive and well her prejudice still is, even after all this self-reflection. How prideful she still is, even after convincing herself she was willing to change.
Of course she'd have to earn the wolf-kin's respect. Would she expect a peer, someone she considers an equal, to kiss her ass out of hand? No...so why did she assume that the wolf-kin would be grateful to her as long as she wasn't openly hostile? Wasn't it the same reason that she almost abandoned her 'whatever it takes' resolve just now over the thought of working to ingratiate herself to them?
It's all because she was still looking down on them.
She studies Zara's expression again, letting the weight of its implications really resonate with her.
'Am I really so predictable? So unreliable? So...disappointing, to her?'
Her heart constricts at the rhetorical questions pressing on her mind. Then, she feels her pride kick in once again, and her lips almost visibly twist in disgust.
This time, however, her pride isn't recoiling at the idea of someone looking down on her. Rather, she feels disdainful of herself...her pride inflamed by how pathetic she now sees her actions as.
'Truly, pathetic...all my bravado about doing whatever it takes, then I almost abandon everything at the first signs of adversity. How can I have been so proud to be so weak?'
Here and now...she makes up her mind.
Her eyes narrow at Zara, her voice firm.
"I understand...it's your country, your culture. If that's how things are, then that's how I'll be. Unless something in Eden comes up, I'll visit for two uninterrupted days every time. I'll sleep there, I'll eat there, and I won't just sit at a desk and boss them around. I'll socialize with them, and I'll even take turns doing all the tasks that your people normally do, too. How's that?" (Alara)
A flicker of genuine astonishment crosses Zara's face, her eyebrows raising.
"You'll..sleep in our village? Work in it? You realize that we sleep in huts, on straw mats, with limited privacy...right? And the jobs you speak of, that would involve hunting and butchering, cooking for others, sewing clothes...you know that?" (Zara)
Alara's eyes widen in shock, and a shudder starts to run through her body. However, she quickly suppresses any visible signs of her distress, and she gives a Zara a small, strained smile.
"Of course, I understand. That won't be a problem." (Alara)
Zara stares at her in silence for several long moments, until Alara's apprehension starts to rise. Then, out of nowhere, Zara gives her a small, wry smile...one that Alara hasn't seen since their fight. The sight of it alone is enough to make Alara's shoulders sag in relief, because that smile is worth a thousand words of reassurance to her. For the first time since that night, she can see a way back to where they were...to having a genuine friend in Zara.
However, Zara's next words destroy any semblance of happiness she's feeling.
"I see. You should also know, we don't have baths or toilets...you'll have to take care of your business in the woods." (Zara)
Her face goes completely pale, her legs threatening to give out. But somehow, she manages to squeak out a response...though her lower lip trembles and her voice audibly breaks.
"I-If it's good enough for the wolf-kin, it's g-good enough for me..." (Alara)
She's so horrified by the mental images flashing through her mind, that she doesn't even notice the glimmer of appreciation in Zara's eyes, nor the warming of Zara's smile. However, she is shaken from her stupor by the sound of Zara...chuckling.
"Fufufufu...I am just kidding, Alara. What do you think we are, dogs? We have designated, private areas for such things, toilets included, though they aren't nearly as glamorous as in the Elven Kingdom." (Zara)
After a few seconds of stunned blinking while she processes Zara's words, her pupils constrict into pinholes, her face flushing red in anger and disbelief. For a brief moment, she forgets about the context of their discussion, and she slips back into their old dynamic.
"Y-You...how could you!? What a cruel exploitation of my easygoing nature! Hmph! A less magnanimous boss would fire you over that!" (Alara)
Zara smirks.
"You can't fire me...I do not work for you anymore, remember? We're just friends now." (Zara)
Alara's voice trembles in frustration, her finger pointing at Zara accusatorially.
"That's what you think! I c-" (Alara)
Her words die on her lips as something dawns on her, all the mock anger in her voice evaporating. She blinks repeatedly.
"Did you say...we're...f-friends?" (Alara)
Zara's characteristically stoic expression has returned, and she raises an eyebrow in mock confusion.
"Hmm? Are we not?" (Zara)
Alara stares at her in stunned silence for a moment, before a wave of complex emotions she's been suppressing for the last few days finally bursts forth. Her lower lip trembles, and she feels warm tears start to build in the corners of her eyes. Instead of responding to Zara, she just dashes forward and wraps her in a hug, burying her face in Zara's shoulder as her cheeks begin to wet. Her voice is a choked whisper.
"Thank you...thank you, thank you, thank you..." (Alara)
Zara's eyes widen in shock at the display. Then, she hesitantly places her hands over Alara's back, before giving her an awkward couple of pats. Zara glances around nervously, her expression full of discomfort over the unfamiliar physical affection.
"Err...you are...welcome..." (Zara)
As if sensing the awkwardness of the very public scene they're making, Alara goes rigid for a second at the response before quickly releasing Zara and wiping the tears from her own face discreetly. She clears her throat in embarrassment, avoiding eye contact as she scrambles to change the subject.
"Ehem...uhm..." (Alara)
At that moment, she remembers something, and her eyes flit to Zara again, her voice becoming nervous.
"Zara...the gift I got for you..." (Alara)
She trails off, struggling to convey how she's aware that Zara never touched it after she left it on her desk. Seemingly understanding the underlying concern, Zara gives a small smile.
"It was very thoughtful...I appreciate it. It's in my pack now." (Zara)
Alara feels relief flood through her, and an unrestrained smile spreads across her face.
"Good..." (Alara)
The two stand in a warm silence for a moment, until the unfamiliar dynamic makes Zara uncomfortable enough to change the subject abruptly, her tone deadpan.
"So, who is it that's going to oversee Eden when you visit? I doubt that Alto has the time or desire, and she's the only qualified one I can think of currently. Will this be part of Lady Alyse's responsibilities as your replacement for me?" (Zara)
Reminded of the unfavorable encounter with Alyse earlier, Alara sighs and shrugs, her lips twisting into a pout.
"I'm not sure yet. It seems that I left a very poor impression on her in my younger days as Princess. I don't think she has any interest in working for me directly...not that I can really blame her." (Alara)
Zara nods thoughtfully, and Alara can't help but wince at how unsurprised she seems.
"But...you'd like her to take my place, right? Do you even have any other candidates?" (Zara)
Alara nods her head.
"I would...I need someone like you who I can trust to manage certain aspects of Eden semi-independently. Alyse is honestly perfect for the job, and I hadn't really prepared other candidates yet. After our less than encouraging meeting today, though, I was planning to reach out to Mother and see if there are any suitable royal guards I can hire like she originally offered." (Alyse)
Zara purses her lips, her eyes glancing away contemplatively for several moments.
"I see...hmm. In that case, hold off on contacting your mother for a while longer. Let me talk to Alyse first...after our spar, of course. From what I hear, we are similar...she might reconsider if I encourage her to." (Zara)
Alara's eyes widen, and she feels a warm sensation wash over her.
"You'd do that for me?" (Alara)
Zara smiles.
"Of course I will." (Zara)