Konoha – Hatake Mansion, Kitchen
Menma sat cross-legged at the kitchen table, tearing into the fifth fried fish Kakashi had just served. Across from him, Snow had conquered nearly her own bodyweight in fish and now lay on her side next to her bowl, paws twitching from fullness, struggling to finish the last bite with a determined wobble of her whiskers.
Kakashi finally sat down, only to be greeted by... an empty plate. No trace of the five fish that were once proudly displayed—only the faint scent of lemon and sesame oil remained.
"Is this... divine punishment? Did I wrong the gods in a past life? Why is this ghost child eating like a reincarnated Akimichi warlord?" Kakashi thought, eyes dead inside as he stood up again.
Hopeless but resigned, he fired up the pan again, grabbing another fish for himself—though by the looks of Menma's still-moving chopsticks, it might not reach his plate.
"Was he starved all winter in that house? Did the Third forget to send groceries or just... send a squirrel?"
In truth, Kakashi had mentally prepared himself. Yoruusagi had warned him Menma loved his fried, deboned fish. For half a year, that was the one thing he'd eaten without complaint. But five fish before breakfast?
Yoruusagi, meanwhile, was staring at something else. Something… terrifying.
Menma wasn't just holding chopsticks. He was dual-wielding them—one in each hand, moving with machine-like precision. Perfect left-right synchronization. An unstoppable fish-eating engine.
She paled.
"I was joking when I told him to train his left hand to balance his development… How did it come to this?! He's ambidextrous now! I've created a monster!!"
Me-ow!!! Tap!
Snow, trying to leave the table, stumbled and meowed—a sound that came out more like a hiccup. She was too full to move.
"Snow! Are you okay?!" Menma gasped, already jumping up to help.
He scooped her up gently, cradling her like royalty, then walked her toward the heater's sunlit corner. Meanwhile, Kakashi wiped a tear and slid another fish onto Menma's plate.
"He didn't even eat his own fifth fish. That was mine… It was supposed to be mine…"
Meowww!
"Huh?! You scared me, Snow! Alright, alright. I'll carry you."
Yoruusagi watched, stunned. Just a single meow, and he knew what Snow wanted? Was this some advanced bond? The power of unconditional love?
"Huh? You can understand Snow?"
Menma gave her a baffled look.
"Huh? Isn't it obvious? Teacher, do you have cat tone-deafness or something?"
A soft bonk landed on his head in reply.
(Still the old Ice Queen...) he thought, rubbing his forehead, though a faint smile pulled at the edge of his lips.
Kakashi finally returned with two more fish, placing one in front of Menma, who had just finished his sixth and was eyeing Yoruusagi's plate with suspicion.
But before he could lift his chopsticks—BANG BANG BANG!!
The front door rattled under the forceful knocking. Kakashi's forehead twitched.
"If this is a door-to-door salesman or another mail ninja, I'm turning them into fertilizer."
He marched to the door, flung it open—and paused. Before him stood his eternal rival, radiant in his green jumpsuit, flames of passion practically visible around him.
"Kakashi! I have come for our rematch! Let our youth burn bright enough to pierce the heavens and awaken the slumbering will of fire!!"
"Of course... it's him." Kakashi sighed internally. "Even death wouldn't let this man rest. He'd challenge the Shinigami to a push-up contest."
"Guy… good morning. How was your mission?"
"Successful! With the completion of this final task, I am now ready to rejoin ANBU and spread youthful passion in the shadows!"
Kakashi winced.
"ANBU?! Again?! Even Danzo wouldn't let him near Root. There's a reason no one wants to bleed next to a man yelling about eternal spirit."
"That's… great, Guy. I'm proud of your perseverance. But today I have guests staying here, and I can't leave the house."
Guy's smile faltered slightly.
"I see… That is a noble duty, Kakashi. Take care of them with honor. But—"
Guy paused mid-sentence, his eyes locked on something behind Kakashi.
A boy had stepped into the doorway: red hair like flickering flame, bare upper body radiating heat despite the winter cold. Lean muscles taut, fists wrapped in tight bandages, toes bouncing on the wood.
Menma looked like a dragon-child molded from fire and stone.
Kakashi turned to see Menma jogging lightly on his toes.
"Big brother—uh, Kakashi—I finished both fish. Thank you. They were delicious. I missed them."
He had purposefully dropped "dog" from his nickname, giving Kakashi some face in front of others. But his gaze shifted slightly to the shadow at the edge of the wall.
"What's my activity range today? Am I confined to the house?"
A flicker of movement. An ANBU appeared, answering dryly:
"Here, training ground 7, and the nearby commercial street. Always accompanied by Kakashi Hatake, Yoruusagi Uchiha, or another trusted figure. ANBU will shadow."
Menma nodded and turned back toward Kakashi, now stretching his legs casually.
"Big brother, how do I get to training ground 10? Are you coming, or staying to look after Snow?"
Kakashi's stomach dropped.
"Snow. House. Grasshopper. Dead frog. Nope. Yoruusagi and I are staying. We are cleaning this house top to bottom before I wake up with a dead snake next to my pillow."
Then came a moment of divine inspiration. Kakashi looked at Guy, who was practically drooling admiration at Menma.
"Guy. I have a test for you."
Guy straightened up instantly.
"This is Menma. Your mission: train with him, guide him, and protect him. Do not let any harm come to him. He's important."
Guy's eyes glowed like molten fire.
"You can count on me, Kakashi! I will treat this mission as sacred!"
Then Kakashi turned to Menma.
"Menma, this is Might Guy. The strongest taijutsu master in the village. No one can beat him in hand-to-hand combat. He'll be your partner today. I'll send your lunch with ANBU."
Menma narrowed his eyes, examining Guy. But he could feel it: sincerity, strength, and a ridiculous but admirable sense of justice.
Guy smiled brightly.
"Hello, Menma! Let us race to the training ground and then fight until we fall, screaming in youth and glory!"
Menma blinked. Then… grinned.
"Alright, Mr. Guy. Let's burn our youth bright enough to shame the sun."
Kakashi's hand twitched.
"Did I just create a Guy clone with extra chakra and a demon fox?"
Guy posed toward the street, one hand raised.
"ON THE COUNT OF THREE!"
"Ready!" Menma crouched into position.
"One! Two!... THREE!! RUN, MENMA-KUN!!!"
The two blazed into the distance, shouting and laughing, disappearing around the alley. Two ANBU dashed after them in a blur.
Kakashi stood still, frozen in the doorway.
"I… I think I broke the world."
He imagined Menma in beast mode… opening the Eight Gates… punching through time and space…
"I hope that never happens. Please. Please never happen."
He sighed.
Then, he shut the door and turned to Yoruusagi.
"...Let's clean the house."
---