I strapped on my neon-blue armor, crackling like bottled lightning and shaped by rage refined into art. The helm snapped shut, arcs of Hollow energy slithering across the plates like serpents tasting battle.
Behind me stood one hundred Royal Knights, their banners snapping in the wind. Every weapon glowed with divine charge, oaths burning in their hollowed veins.
The ground rumbled. Or maybe the sky did. Something was afraid—and it wasn't us.
[Grey]: Let us try peace…
I raised my hand, calm and regal.
A moment passed.
Then I roared—
[Grey]: DEATH TO THE ENEMY!
[Knights]: DEATH!!
Battle cries split the air. One knight screamed too loudly and passed out. Another charged on his summoned jellyfish mount and promptly crashed into a column. Pure chaos.
[Ammar]: NO! Lady Grey, please! Not again! Not another war over an insult to your coral tower!
He was panting, feathers frizzed, eyes bloodshot with the stress of babysitting a demigod for too long.
[Grey]: Ammar… I have a strict policy.
[Ammar]: …Which is?
[Grey]: I never think for more than five seconds
He facepalmed so hard I think he clipped into another plane of existence.
I turned, wings of broken starlight spreading behind me, and pointed toward the portal.
[Grey]: If I must be judged in court, I'll arrive like a goddess of judgment. With a side of war crimes.
We marched.
[Later...]
New York City — Earth-019, Dimensional Register Crosspoint
The sky cracked like glass. Birds screamed. One poor pigeon exploded from sheer existential horror.
And then… we stepped through.
Me—Grey Walpurgis, glowing like a neon apocalypse. My jellyfish knights stomped out of the rift, chanting like a cult that forgot the lyrics. People screamed. A child dropped their hot dog in reverence or fear.
[Grey]: …This is not where X-Eyes is.
[Ammar]: No, my lady, this is Earth. Again. Specifically, New York.
[Grey]: Damn it, this is the seventh time. Knights! Fall back!
[Back at the Palace]
[Grey]: Ammar, you said he vanished from his room?
[Ammar]: Yes, my lady. Into some… mathematically angry geometry.
I entered X-Eyes' room. It greeted me with a screaming geometry that I silenced it with a snap of my fingers. At the far end, a dark portal pulsed like a breathing scar on reality.
[Grey]: Ok, looks like I found where he is, Ammar, get me my suit.
[Teyvat - Fontaine]
[X-Eyes POV]
It's been a month since I dropped into this world—literally, trash-teleported out of my home reality by accident. At first, I thought it'd be another nightmare. Another doomed timeline. But surprisingly... It's been going well.
New friends. Steady job. Creepy woman trying to adopt me.
And, unfortunately, a woman who keeps insisting she's my mother.
Not metaphorically. Not emotionally. Biologically.
The creepy part? She has the same red eyes as I. The same aura. The same cursed Void signature. If I didn't have black hair and wolf ears, we'd look identical—well, I'd look like the budget version.
She walked up to me one day, slapped down a DNA test in front of my coffee.
I'm not sure which part broke my brain more.
Now I was sitting in the lounge of the Fatui HQ in Fontaine, surrounded by chaos and high-ranking emotional damage specialists.
[The Doctor]: I must admit. Even for her, this level of anatomical confusion is… impressive.
He peered at me through his lenses like I was a fascinating crime against biology. Which, fair.
[Tartaglia]: You're surprised? I've known her for years! Are we just not gonna talk about how she showed up to meetings pregnant, gave birth, and no one noticed?!
He gestured like the room was responsible.
[Tartaglia]: How do you miss something like that? What did she use? [Hidden Womb No Jutsu]?
[Arlecchino]: Keep talking, Childe. I will rearrange your mouth.
Childe immediately began whistling and pretending he hadn't just committed suicide via sarcasm.
I slumped further into the couch and stared blankly at the chandelier, which looked like it wanted to jump off the ceiling and leave this dimension.
Then—
A portal tore itself into reality like a scar on silk, bleeding hollow light and stardust.
Out stepped a tall figure in a sharply tailored suit—white hair cascading over his shoulders, eyes glowing like quiet supernovas. A single twisted horn curled from his forehead, and his aura hit the room like a divine freight train.
It was Grey.
My mother.
Who is apparently also my father.
And today… was wearing a three-piece suit.
[Grey]: Young man, you're coming home. Now.
I blinked.
[X-Eyes]: Have I been… kidnapped? Adopted? Reverse-orphaned? Honestly, I've lost track.
[Grey]: Let's call it 'retrieved.'
[Arlecchino]: Over my dead body.
[Grey]: Darling. That can be arranged.
The room dropped ten degrees. Swords hummed. Tension snapped taut like a bowstring.
Somewhere in the back, a very nervous chandelier dropped one of its crystals.
Then, popping up from behind a table
[Klee]: Ooooh! Can we have fireworks too?
I looked at Grey and Arlecchino.
[Grey]: And who exactly permitted you to be adopted by her?
She pointed straight at Arlecchino, who stood and squared her shoulders like she was about to fight God.
[Arlecchino]: I didn't ask. He chose. I protect what's mine.
[Grey]: I don't recall signing that custody agreement.
[Arlecchino]: And I don't recall caring.
Tension.
[Fatui Agent 1]: This is not good. This is a war declaration waiting for subtitles.
[The Doctor]: This is better than my experiments.
[Childe]: We're all gonna die. But at least it'll be dramatic.
I raised my hand slowly.
[X-Eyes]: Can I vote on which unhinged parental figure I go with?
[Grey]: You'll have full voting rights once you learn to open a dimensional rift without turning your bed into a screaming void monster.
[Arlecchino]: You choose her, and I'll hunt you down through time.
I looked at both of them, weighed my options, and then pointed at Klee.
[X-Eyes]: Honestly, I just want to hang out with the tiny explosion goblin. But since the only options on the table right now are death, destruction, and mom-fueled thermonuclear tension, might I suggest… we take this to court?
Both looked at each other.
There was a long pause.
Grey and Arlecchino locked eyes.
A thousand unspoken threats passed between them—some of them in languages that hadn't existed for several eons. One of Grey's horns gave off a faint crack. Arlecchino's shadow twisted behind her like it was preparing its own defense.
[Grey]: …Fine.
[Arlecchino]: Perfect.
[Klee]: Yay, courtroom boom time!
[Fatui Agent 1]: …What even is our life right now?
[Next Scene – The Court of Fontaine]
The entire courtroom was packed with Fatui and knights, and the tension was so high you could see it in the air and even taste it.
Both sides were ready to tear each other apart.
[Furina]: This court is now in session. The Case of Custody and Chaos: Walpurgis v. Arlecchino.
[Neuvillette]: If we survive this, I'm taking a vacation. Under the sea.
[The Doctor]: Fascinating. Legal proceedings as a war substitute. Never considered the civilian applications.
I sat quietly at the defendant's bench, between my maybe-mother-father and my definitely-knife-happy-pseudo-mother.
Ammar, my father's trusted man, stood first.
[Ammar]: My client—Lady Walpurgis—asserts that biological origin supersedes all questionable emotional bonding over stolen snacks and midnight trauma sessions.
Arlecchino with a lawyer who looked suspiciously like a sword in a wig, and one who was an Agent with a wig.
[Fatui Agent With a wig]: My client—Arlecchino—asserts that choice matters more than blood. Also, I have better reflexes.
[Klee]: I brought popcorn!
[Furina]: You always bring popcorn, Klee.
[Klee]: Just in case something explodes!
[Furina]: That's… disturbingly valid.
I rubbed my temples. The otter next to Furina slammed a gavel.
[Otter]: Squeak!
[Furina]: Objection noted! Now, X-Eyes, you are the child in question. How do you plead?
I stood, every eye on me.
[X-Eyes]: …I plead temporary insanity for everyone in this room. And myself. And possibly the chandelier.
The chandelier twitched.
The Court exploded with both sides screaming at each other
Popcorn crunched softly in the gallery.
Furina sat beside Klee, both nibbling snacks as chaos brewed below like a courtroom opera gone feral.
[Furina]: Oh, this is so much better than the theater.
[Klee]: Can I blow something up if someone yells too loud?
[Furina]: Only if it's dramatic.
Down below—
[Arlecchino]: I objected!
[Grey]: You can't just say—
CRASH.
The sound of furniture flying. Grey's entourage—the jellyfish-born knights, a half-metal dragon in a suit, and two toddlers disguised as royal disasters—had absolutely lost it.
Weapons drawn. Armor glowing. Tentacles flexing.
Meanwhile, the Fatui Harbingers flared their coats and arrogance, half of them smirking, the other half already mid-attack.
Neuvillette slammed his gavel.
[Neuvillette]: Order! ORDER in the court!
An axe flew at him.
[Furina]: Otter in the court~!
Silence fell.
Everyone turned to stare.
Yes. Lady Furina was holding an actual otter in her lap, dressed in tiny judge robes, complete with a powdered wig and monocle.
It held a tiny gavel and waved it solemnly.
[Jellyfish Knight #1]: Kayyy… so cute.
[Grey]: I will end the multiverse, I swear.
The courtroom exploded into three simultaneous duels, two arguments over fashion, one enchanted conga line, and a diplomatic dispute about underwater property rights.
Grey cracked her neck.
[Grey]: All right. I tried diplomacy. I even brought a lawyer. This is why we don't try. You want war in a courtroom? You'll get a court in a war.
With a snap of her fingers, her aura flared—abysmal and commanding. The jellyfish knights clicked into formation, stepping forward in perfect synchronicity, their translucent armor pulsing with hostile elegance. The toddlers she'd once called "her hairs" were standing on the defense table now— one levitating a gavel-sized chair, and the last licking the bench and charging it with electricity.
Across the courtroom…
Arlecchino unsheathed her Scythe. Her Fatui Enforcers moved behind her, coats flaring, masks sliding on.
[Fatui Agent With a Wig]: If this goes to violence, I'd like to be reassigned to cafeteria duty. Or plumbing. Or prison
[Tartaglia]: Too late. I need a lawyer for tax evasion, four counts of dramatic violence, and at least one incident involving explosive fishing.
[Fatui Agent With a Wig]: I don't even have a degree.
[The Doctor]: Voluntary Madness Among Elites: A Case Study.
Outside, the chaos spilled into the streets of Fontaine.
Civilians screamed. Birds evacuated. Someone launched an eel cannon.
And through it all, Jean, with the Honorary Knight of Mondstadt and a very worried dragon, landed dramatically on a balcony with her sword in hand.
[Jean]: Klee? Klee, where are you?! I told you no more detonations during legal proceedings.
Klee emerged from the smoke, popcorn in hand
[Klee]: Hi Jean! We're having fun, court!
From inside, the sound of an angry Otter was heard.
[Otter Judge]: SQUEEEAAAK! (Translation: Objection, your honor, the chandelier is now on fire again!)
[Back inside]
[Grey]: Final offer. We finish this with a Trial by Combat. Winner gets X-Eyes. Loser shuts up forever.
[Arlecchino]: Deal.
[X-Eyes]: What if I object—
[Grey & Arlecchino]: Overruled.
[Furina]: Then let the Trial by Combat… BEGIN!
Scene fades out with blades clashing, energy roaring, and the otter furiously trying to issue citations while riding a miniature hover-gavel.
[Ten Minutes Later]
[Neuvillette]: Thanks to the intervention of Sir Ammar—who heroically bypassed the entire legal system by running off with the child—I declare Lady Grey the winner of this… catastrophe.
A stunned silence blanketed the courtroom.
All eyes turned to the center aisle, where Ammar, feathers smoking and armor dented, was sprinting full speed toward the portal, X-Eyes slung over his shoulder like a sack of stolen potatoes.
Tartaglia was in hot pursuit, sword raised, screaming bloody murder in three languages and one primal screech.
Just as he leapt forward—
WHUMP.
A glowing jellyfish shield slammed into him midair, flinging him into a chandelier (again).
Ammar dove through the portal, followed by Knight after Knight, then the two void toddlers, one of whom stopped to lick the edge of the courtroom floor before jumping in.
Grey stepped through last, grinning with triumph.
She made deliberate eye contact with Arlecchino.
Arlecchino, still smoldering, raised her middle finger like it was a ceremonial blade.
Grey Smile and did the same.
[Grey]: Consider this your formal loss notice.
And the portal snapped shut.
[One Week Later – Grey's Palace]
[Grey – POV]
I stood at the center of the throne room, the three disasters lined up in front of me—washed, fed, semi-stable, and all pretending to behave.
The court was watching from behind enchanted coral pillars, taking bets on which of them would explode first.
[Grey]: From this day forth, the three of you will have names. Congratulations. You're now legally my problem.
I pointed at each of them.
[Grey]: You—X-Eyes—are now Loiten. Short, sharp, and weird enough to make people nervous.
Loiten blinked, then smirked.
[Grey]: Floaty, you're now Reefer. And no, it's not a drug reference—it's because you keep floating near the ceiling vents like kelp on vacation.
Reefer gave a small spin in the air and belched out a glittery puff.
[Grey]: And you, table-biter... you're Bit Bob Collen. Don't ask why. You bit the wrong diplomatic table.
Bit Bob smiled proudly, holding a decorative chair leg like a scepter.
I stepped back and clapped once.
[Grey]: Names given. Life sentence confirmed. Welcome to the House of Walpurgis.
They cheered.
Loiten took a step forward, gave me a thumbs-up, and said.
[Loiten]: Thanks, Dad.
The room went dead silent.
I froze mid-blink.
[Grey]: Call me 'Dad' one more time, and I will personally airdrop you into Arlecchino's bathwater.
[Loiten]: Really, Dad.
I inhaled slowly. Calm. Rational. Dignified.
[Grey]: You're cleaning the royal toilet. Starting now. And you'll be using your hands.
[Loiten]: …That's child abuse.
[Grey]: No. That's karma.
[Meanwhile – On a Balcony Above]
Ammar sipped tea, sighing.
[Ammar]: So it begins... The Great Parental War of 2025, and the end of this Arc of our story
[Grey]: Ammar, come back here, paperwork wouldn't do them self even if they could.
Ammar got up with a smile and headed to help his master.
[Chapter END]
[Bit Bob]: ...Mom, someone's watching us from the void again.
[Grey]: ...Tell him I'm busy being sane. He'll hate that.