I watched him from the shadows.
Shin Himeya.
Even now, just seeing his back again made my heart ache in a way I thought I'd buried years ago. He stepped down from the stage, his movements stiff and tired, like he was wading through memories too heavy to carry. The applause echoed faintly behind him, swallowed by the high ceilings of the auditorium, becoming nothing more than a distant murmur—like ghosts clapping for a life that no longer existed.
He didn't notice me yet. He was too busy crying.
Even now, after all this time, he still cried for her.
For Uguisu-senpai.
…I couldn't blame him.
I held my breath as he passed the last row of curtains and entered the backstage hallway—dimly lit, cold, and silent. A place forgotten by the light. Fitting, really.
Just before he reached the end, I let the words escape my mouth.
"You haven't changed one bit, Himeya."
He froze.
I felt a strange pang in my chest. Did he recognize me?
Slowly, he turned around.
When his eyes met mine, widened in disbelief, I felt like time folded in on itself. We were no longer adults standing in a dusty hallway—we were seventeen again, standing under the soft glow of club room lights, the world ahead of us brimming with youthful uncertainty.
"It's been a long time, Himeya."
He said my name like a whisper. Like he was afraid I'd vanish if he spoke too loudly.
"Touka…?"
I smiled gently and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, an old habit I hadn't quite shaken. "You still remember me. I'm relieved."
He looked like he'd seen a ghost.
Maybe I was one.
"W-why…? How—?"
I stepped forward, letting my boots announce my presence with soft, deliberate echoes on the wooden floor. I stopped beside him, shoulder to shoulder, just like the old days. Just like back when we still believed everything had a simple answer.
"I heard about Uguisu-senpai," I said quietly, careful not to let my voice tremble.
He lowered his eyes. I could see the shadow of guilt and grief still clinging to him like a second skin.
"Why… why did you disappear?" he asked.
I looked at him.
Really looked.
And realized he had no idea how much I had watched from afar. How much it had hurt to stay away.
"There were things I needed to do… burdens I couldn't share," I answered honestly. "I didn't want to involve you. Or anyone else."
He looked at me again, this time with a sadness I hadn't seen before. Deeper. More real.
"What do you mean by that…?"
"Later," I said softly. "But first… What about Senpai? In her final moments… was she happy?"
His eyes flickered.
"I… I don't know," he whispered. "Maybe she was… maybe…"
I placed my hand gently on his back. I could feel the tension in him. Years of unspoken pain, of unanswered questions.
"As her husband, you shouldn't be so uncertain, you know."
He flinched a little.
But I think part of him agreed.
He let out a weak laugh, one that died in his throat almost immediately.
"You really haven't changed, Touka..."
I chuckled. "I could say the same for you."
And just like that, we both laughed—awkward, hesitant, but real.
It had been so long.
Too long.
Would we still be like this if Uguisu-senpai were alive?
Would we have all stayed together?
"...Himeya," I said, barely more than a breath.
He looked over. "Yeah?"
"I've always been watching you."
His eyes widened. "...Huh?"
"After Uguisu-senpai passed, you became like a hollow shell. It was like you had no purpose left…"
"…You're right," he murmured, eyes turning toward the high window, where pale moonlight wash over him. "I was living, but not alive."
"But now," I said, searching his face, "you have what Senpai wanted you to find."
He turned toward me, confused. "...And that is?"
I smiled gently.
"Light."
"Light…?"
I reached into my coat and pulled out something I hadn't touched in years.
An old phone.
"I think I should show you this."
He blinked in surprise. "Wait… isn't that the phone from when we were in high school?"
"Yeah. Just watch."
I unlocked the screen. The wallpaper was still the same: a blurry photo of the three of us, standing in the club room, with Uguisu holding up a peace sign and me awkwardly half-blinking.
I tapped a folder titled "For Shin Himeya."
He stared.
Inside was a single video file.
The moment the screen lit up, I felt it—the sudden change in his breath. The stillness.
On the screen was their old club room.
And in the center of it all sat Uguisu-senpai, her long dark hair falling gently past her shoulders, her hands fidgeting in her lap.
"Uguisu-san…" he whispered, barely audible.
I didn't say anything.
What could I say?
In the video, she looked a little nervous.
Just before we started recording, she had insisted we weren't going to use it. That it was embarrassing. But I had convinced her—no, begged her—to leave behind something, just in case.
My voice rang out from behind the camera, cheerful and teasing.
"Alright, Uguisu-senpai. Please say something to your boyfriend, Shin Himeya."
"D-Do I really have to…?"
"The freshness of feelings is important, right? I think Senpai doesn't want to forget. That's why I thought recording this would make a beautiful memory,"
"Y-Yeah, I guess that's true… but… do we really need to record it? Wouldn't it be better to just tell him in person…?"
I remember laughing then. "There's a reason for the recording. You know, humans… we forget. Over time, that fresh feeling, that pulse in your chest, it fades. That's why, while your heart still trembles, let's keep it alive. Keep it close."
"That sounds logical… but it's still…"
"It's not that hard, is it? Just be honest. Say what you feel. Like, 'Himeya-kun, I love you, I love you so much'~"
"I-I'm NOT saying it like that!"
He chuckled beside me—softly.
His shoulders relaxed slightly, as if the memory was massaging his sorrow away.
In the video, Uguisu's face turned red.
"It's not like I don't feel that way… but I wouldn't say it like that…" she mumbled.
"Then say it in your own words, Uguisu-senpai…" I encouraged.
And she did.
...
"Falling in love with someone… it's the happiest thing I've ever experienced. And right now, I feel it with every part of me. I don't think I'll ever forget this feeling."
Then she paused.
"You're totally romanticizing this!" I teased her. "I didn't think you'd say something that cheesy~!"
"W-What?! W-Wait! That part got recorded too!?"
"Yep, all of it."
"H-Himeya-kun! Don't watch this! Please don't watch it!!"
I laughed again in the video. "Too late~!"
The video ended.
Silence.
When I turned to Himeya, tears were streaming down his face.
He collapsed onto a nearby bench, burying his face in his hands.
And I…
I knelt beside him.
Wiped away the tears I could reach.
"Such a crybaby," I whispered, trying to sound teasing, but my voice cracked too.
"S-shut up…" he mumbled.
Still crying.
Still holding on.
I smiled, even as my own eyes burned.
"Thank you, Touka… really."
"You're welcome," I said.
We sat there, the faint glow of the phone screen now dimmed, but something else illuminated us.
Something warm.
Even now, I still remember what I said to Uguisu-senpai...
...
"Himeya is a good guy, Uguisu-senpai, please take care of him."
"Miyako-san..."
...
That was such a beautiful memory...