And the day I had dreaded finally arrived, and it unfolded right before my eyes the next morning.
"Where are you going?" I demanded, my voice sharp as I glared at Jungkook. He was rummaging through my closet, and my heart sank as I watched him pull out a sleek black cap and a matching mask to obscure his face.
After he donned the items, Jungkook turned to face me, a mischievous glint dancing in his eyes that sent a shiver down my spine. He approached with measured but confident steps, each echoing the tension thick in the air. Leaning in closer, he brushed his fingers against my cheek in a surprisingly tender caress, causing my breath to hitch in my throat. "I will not stay locked here for the rest of my life, my lady," he declared, a playful wink punctuating his statement. He then shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his faded jeans and pivoted away, making his way toward the door.
"No," I exclaimed, yanking his arm to halt him before he could take another step. The sudden force of my grip made him narrow his eyes, a multitude of unsaid questions reflecting in his gaze as he searched my face for understanding.
"Aren't you aware that everyone is searching for you?" I pressed, urgency creeping into my voice. "The streets are far too dangerous for you right now. You could easily encounter a cop or anyone who could alert the authorities. You might get caught."
"Come on," he retorted, a hint of frustration in his tone. "It's dark outside. No one will recognize me like this." His expression shifted as he added, "If I'm still engaging with you, it's only because I don't want to be cruel or dismissive. But if this back-and-forth continues, I promise you, I'll stop caring. Who do you think you are to dictate what I can and cannot do?"
A wave of emotion surged within me, threatening to spill over, and I felt the sting of tears prick at my eyes. Damn him and his relentless stubbornness, wrapped in an air of defiance. "Do you even consider my feelings at all?" I shot back, my voice trembling slightly. "If you get caught…"
"I would never say a word about you if that ever happened," he interrupted, an earnest look crossing his face. "But trust me, I'll be fine. Don't worry about me, noona."
"Did you forget the promise you made to me when I helped you leave?" I pressed, my heart aching as I recalled his words. "What exactly did you say, Jungkook?"
***
Jungkook's gaze fell to the floor, his expression shifting in a way that caught you off guard. Just moments ago, he had seemed so sure and compelling, but now he looked distant, as if wrestling with an internal conflict you could barely comprehend. The sudden desire to leave your cozy apartment was palpable, leaving you confused and concerned.
His voice was low and sincere when he declared, "I will do anything you want me to do. I will love only you." The weight of his words hung heavily in the air, thick with promise and desperation. You could see that he meant every syllable, yet an unspoken tension lingered between you, hinting at something deeper he was struggling with.
"Then you will give me what I need?" He asked tentatively, sensing the gravity of the moment.
Without warning, Jungkook closed the distance between you, pushing you gently but firmly against the wall. His hands framed your face in a possessive and soft way, his physical presence overwhelming yet electrifying. He leaned in closer, his breath warm against your skin, and you could feel your heart race as he spoke again.
"Give me what I want and need, and then I will not go anywhere. I will stay with you." His eyes locked onto yours, an earnest intensity shining through the uncertainty.
Mingyu was undeniably correct; he wanted sex. It felt as though his body had been conditioned for this kind of connection. The sensation was intoxicating, like a powerful drug coursing through his veins. Perhaps it stemmed from the fact that ever since he was young, he had always craved the warmth and closeness of another person. Jungkook seemed unable to resist the allure of intimate encounters as if they were essential to his existence. This dependency was troubling, and he couldn't shake the feeling that it might lead to complications down the line.
"I don't do sex."
"Then what do you do, huh, Y/N? "
"Something you can't understand. Something you don't know the meaning of."
You whispered, your cheeks burning in embarrassment under his intense gaze.
Jungkook looked at you hard. But after a moment, he started to laugh.
"Please don't tell me that you are this stupid and naive. Because if you didn't have such a pretty face, I would have smashed it against the wall. "
Your breath caught painfully in your throat at his words, a sharp pang echoing in your chest. The mere thought of him wanting to betray you in such a cruel way felt like a dagger twisting inside you, making your heart ache with a mixture of fear and heartbreak.
"Would you really hurt me?" you asked, your voice trembling slightly, unable to hide the vulnerability that lay beneath your words. "After everything I've sacrificed for you, after all I'm still doing to support you—would you stab me in my back?"
"Who knows? " Jungkook leaned closer to your face, placing his forehead against yours as he closed his eyes slowly. "Maybe I will stab you, looking into your eyes; why doing it in the back like a coward? " Jungkook added before opening his eyes and looking straight at you.
"Then, should I stop trusting you? " You asked. You had to. You were scared. You thought that you were always scared around him in a way. It was always this possibility. He is hurting you. After all, he was mentally unstable. But you always seemed to forget that for some reason.
"I wonder this as well." Jungkook titled his head deep in thought, tracing his forefinger slowly along your jawline, running it down the side of your neck.
"You... What does sex mean to you? "
You asked. And damn, you were internally dying of embarrassment. But you needed to know. To know what he felt. To understand who he was. This Jungkook was complicated and confusing. You couldn't read him. You couldn't understand who he was. He was split in two. On one side he was kind and warm. Maybe it was just an act. But what about his nightmares? His fears? He couldn't pretend in those moments. You felt his heart beating fast every time and how scared he was while desperately begging you to help him.
But on the other hand, it was this side of him. So mean, so frightening. It was like you didn't know what to expect coming from him. How he stared at you with such cold, fearful eyes, without feelings, gave you chills every time.
He smiled at you. He had an evil smile as his eyes analyzed every inch of your face.
"It's just sex, noona. Everyone is doing it. It's something normal. It's just a way of killing time. It's just a way of giving ourselves a good time. What is wrong with that? "
"It's nothing wrong. And yes, everyone is doing it, indeed. But... not everyone is doing it because of those reasons. Some of us are doing it because there are strong feelings involved. After all, we feel something for the one we want to be with. "
"Aha," Jungkook raised an eyebrow, looking at you as if he were seeing another kind of species he hadn't seen until now.
"Look noona, I understand... in a way. I like you. I do like you. In a way, I never liked anyone until now."
And your heart raced, pounding loudly in your throat as a tidal wave of emotions washed over you.
"But this isn't enough for me," he said, his voice steady yet tinged with a raw intensity. "I told you... I promised I would love only you if you just let me out of there. I remember that promise as keenly as I sense your feelings for me. Because I feel you, every single part of you—your desires, your hopes. I know you want me just as fiercely as I want you. But something is holding you back. I can't force you to move forward, or maybe I could, but that's not what I want. I've never forced anyone into intimacy before, and I refuse to start now. At least, not yet." His eyes were locked on your trembling bottom lip, a mix of longing and conflict swirling in his gaze.
"But if I promised to love only you, it doesn't mean I can't have some fun with someone else. After all... it's just sex." His words cut through the air, casual yet laced with an edge that made your stomach twist.
"Then you don't truly love me, as you claimed." A small, almost bitter smile tugged at the corners of your mouth as you challenged him. "Love is something you can't seem to grasp after all."
Jungkook's mouth closed tightly, an imbalance of emotions flickering behind his serious expression as he meticulously analyzed your face, searching for something—something he couldn't quite articulate. "No. I can't understand."
"When you love someone, the thought of being with anyone else feels impossible," you continued, your tone softening but your resolve firm. "Your heart wouldn't allow it. You wouldn't want to hurt someone who means so much to you. It would wound you just as deeply. So you see? You don't love me. It's far too easy for you to be tempted by someone else."
Your words hung heavy in the air, and Jungkook abruptly pulled himself away from you, the space between you feeling like an unbridgeable chasm. He remained silent, his expression a mixture of contemplation and frustration as he gazed at you one last time. Slowly, he pulled the cap down over his eyes, creating a barrier between you and his thoughts. Without another word, he turned and walked away, leaving you alone in the quiet confines of your apartment, the silence echoing the unspoken truths that lingered between you.
***
As Jungkook strolled through the deserted streets in the dead of night, he couldn't help but roll his eyes at the notion of love. The concept seemed so distant and perplexing to him. His mind drifted back to his father, who had often uttered the words "I love you" with an intensity that Jungkook struggled to comprehend.
"I love you. Only you," his father would say, his voice filled with a sincerity that resonated deeply. Jungkook paused in his tracks, a sudden wave of memories washing over him. He recalled the moments spent together, the warmth of his father's embrace wrapping around him like a soft blanket.
"I would do anything for you, my baby boy," he had once whispered, a fervor in his eyes that Jungkook had never seen directed at anyone else. "I've never felt this way towards anyone before. Just let me love you."
Those words echoed in his mind, carrying a weight that was hard to shake off. The way his father insisted that love could only be exhibited through these grand gestures, through the written and spoken promises, left Jungkook in a state of confusion. As he stood there, grappling with his thoughts, the night air felt heavy, infused with unspoken emotions and lingering questions about the very essence of love.
Jungkook was confused. Remembering what his father did to him, he sometimes asked himself if it was right. If this way a parent shows their love for their children. If it's normal. Sometimes, he hated it. But if letting his father do that meant he was accepted... then why not? After all, it was normal.
"Don't worry, Jungkookie, everyone is doing it. Even little kids like you. We are not doing anything wrong. If you like someone and have needs, you are just doing it."
Isn't this what you call love? If that's the case, then it seems relatively empty to me. Why would anyone feel pain simply because you share an intimate moment with someone else? I will always return to you, so it shouldn't be a problem, right? My father lived that way, never seeming troubled by it. As these thoughts swirled in Jungkook's mind, his gaze shifted to a stunning girl across the street. She smiled radiantly at him, her bright eyes sparkling with a warmth that momentarily pulled him from his contemplation.
***
You heard a series of persistent knocks echoing through the quiet of your home. Your heart raced with excitement, and you hurried towards the door, convinced it must be Jungkook returning sooner than expected. A warm smile spread across your face at the thought of seeing him again.
As you swung open the door, a rush of anticipation filled the air, but that excitement quickly turned to confusion. Standing on your doorstep was not Jungkook, but a boy with striking red hair glinted like fire in the daylight. You found yourself frozen in the doorway, your breath caught in your throat as you stared at him, bewildered. His vibrant locks framed a face that somehow exuded mischief and charm, leaving you momentarily speechless and unsure of what to say.